Search Results for "zombie"
Share June 13, 2001's comic on:
Alice is leaving the office with her briefcase and her jacket. The Boss stands with his hands on his hips in the doorway behind her and says, "It looks like someone is leaving early." Alice turns and replies, "I started at 5 a.m. and I've already worked eighty hours this week." The Boss looks at her and says, "SO?" Alice replies, "I have a doctor's appointment...for female..." as the Boss puts his hands to his ears and yells, "No details! Go Go Go!"
Share August 18, 2001's comic on:
The Boss is sitting at his computer. He thinks to himself, "My powers of communication will inspire them to be better employees." Dilbert points at his computer screen and exclaims, "Gaaa!! He's using his powers of communication against us!" Wally looks on with a panicked expression. Asok walks past Dilbert and Wally's cubicles like a zombie. His arms are out- stretched and his body is stiff. He says, "Must work harder for no good reason." Dilbert and Wally poke their heads from behind their cubicle walls. Dilbert says, "We're too late!"
Share February 11, 2006's comic on:
"I heard that you're a certified project management zombie. Is that true?" "I'm an assertive and innovative professional, experienced in project and operations management methodology and process development." "He didn't seem dangerous." "I just sat through a three-hour project review meeting."
Share June 20, 2004's comic on:
The boss: Dilbert, you'll absorb bills project when he transfers. Dont worry, He'll tell you everything you need to know. The whatchamacallit has to be whatever or else the who sits will go hey hey. Now this is either the budget total or a fax number. Its absolutely critical that you....um...I lost my train of thought. Dilbert: do you have a list of key contacts? That would have been a good idea. Dilbert: Can I call you if I have questions? You can try. I love my coworkers, until they talk.
Share May 20, 2001's comic on:
The Boss brings an employee into Catbert. The employee is bug-eyed and nervous looking. The Boss says, "This is Jittery Jeff. He needs counseling." The Boss continues as Jittery Jeff whips his head around, "I put him in a cubicle at the end of a busy aisle near a doorway." The Boss tells Catbert, "Now he's jittery because he thinks people are always looking over his shoulder." Catbert stands on the desk and says, "Leave him here. I'll counsel him up." Jittery Jeff sits down but continues to whip his head around. Catbert says, "Relax Jittery Jeff...It's okay now." Jeff begins to calm down as Catbert repeats, "Relax, relax, relax, relax." Suddenly, Catbert screams, "AAAGH!! Someone is behind the door!!" Jittery Jeff jumps up. Jittery Jeff lays slumped in his chair with his tongue hanging out of his mouth. Catbert tells the Boss, "Counseling is mostly instinct."
Share June 07, 2013's comic on:
Wulf: I was Schrodinger's cat back in the day. That's why I'm alive and dead at the same time. I know the truth about the afterlife because my dead half told my living half all about it. Do you want to know what happens? Wally: Stop projecting your curiosity on me.
Share March 18, 2015's comic on:
Wally: You're looking at the new vice president of zombie projects. The projects that will neither succeed nor be canceled are transferred to me so the other VP's avoid their taint. Alice: I guess that makes you the company's taint. Wally: I wear that label proudly.
Share November 22, 2015's comic on:
Dilbert: Looks like another day of flailing toward arbitrary goals. I will battle my way through a sea of idiots, much like the zombie apocalypse. My ego will be tested and my nervous system will be degraded. And all of this is to earn money so I can... buy items that scientists and product designers have brainwashed me to crave. But I get back at them by writing software they think they can't live without. My life is like two piles of meat trying to play ping pong. Alice: Stop mumbling and take care of this. Dilbert: You take care of it.
Share August 02, 2016's comic on:
Boss: Our plan is to use design psychology to make our apps more addictive. Ideally, we want to strip people of their free will and turn them into mindless upgrading zombies. Dilbert: I'd feel better if we called that "marketing." Boss: I need you to be more mindless, too.