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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Wally, how do you cope with the soul-crushing futility of this job?" "One day I realized that sadness is just another word for not enough coffee." "What got into you?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I finished all of my projects in one day." "I also reconfigured the network, wrote seven white papers and applied for nine patents." "Are you naked or am I developing X-ray vision?" "Give a thought to decaf."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I wanted to discuss the..." "Whoa! Stop." "Large doses of caffeine allow me to see the future. I already know what both of us will say." "You're a freak." "And then I say, 'And then I say...'"

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"Thanks to coffee, I can levitate objects with my mind." "Bring...the mouse...Bring the...mouse." "It's not perfect yet." "No problem. I appreciate the attention."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Our employee onboarding process will get you all mainstreamed in no time at all." "This will be your cubicle, if we can find another place to store this junk." "You'll get a phone and a computer if the budget ever gets approved." "This is Alice. She will be your mentor." "I don't have time to babysit! I'm buried in work!" "I do not like you. I...do...not...like you!!!" "Stand in the hallway and read these binders. If you learn anything, forget it, because knowledge isn't rewarded here." "Try giving up hope. It turns the bad feeling into emptiness."

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"How can I tell if I'm drinking too much coffee?" "What would you do if I told you to quit?" "I'd jab you with a used needle." "In that case, you're fine."

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You've been acting strangely lately. Maybe you should cut down on the coffee. "You have failed me. Feel the power of the force!" erk! "Bad dream?" "I wouldn't call it bad!"

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"Alice, you did the work of three people this year and earned the highest raise in the department!" "3%" FOOM! "What made you all cumulo-nimbus?" "3%"

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"I worry that all of my wisdom is derived from bad analogies." "Ratbert, sometimes a good wine has to age before it is perfect." "So...I'll get smarter over time?" "To the extent that you are like a grape."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I want to debate with people on the Internet but I worry that I'm not smart enough." "Maybe I'll just read what the smart people are saying." "Okay, I'm in."