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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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All attempts to train you have failed. "But I don't want to fire you because there's a hiring freeze and I can't backfill." "So I've decided to scale back your responsibilities." "Where do you want these?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Vlad is here to tell us why it's so important to donate blood." "Blood is totally delicious and I'm too lazy to bite necks." "You're not with the Red Cross, are you." "Competition is healthy too."

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"Is it true that you allowed a vampire to run the blood drive?" "Yes, and it takes a big man to admit he's wrong." "You admit you were wrong?" "I decided to lose weight."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Women know all about diets. Which one should I use?" "Should I go with the one that makes me miserable and doesn't work, or the one that might kill me?" "If you do both, I won't ask for anything on National Secretary's Day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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I'll ask the vendor for ballpark prices to see if the idea is feasible. "You can't talk with vendors until our change control board approves the project." "But that would require a cost-benefit analysis." "And I can't do that without ballpark prices from the vendor." "Just take your best guess." "So...I should make up a number so I can get approval to make a phone call and ask what the number should have been?" "Right. But first you need to get my approval to do the cost-benefit analysis." "Will you approve it?" "I'd have to see the numbers."