Search Results for "Alice Performance Review"
Share January 21, 1997's comic on:
Wally tells the Boss, "I can't sign this performance review! It's full of alleged misdeeds that you invented to lower my rating!" The Boss replies, "Yes, but I think it reflects the sort of things you MIGHT do. I had to make all the reviews fit a bell curve." Wally screams, "I am NOT selling crack from my cubicle!!!"
Share July 22, 1997's comic on:
The Boss stands behind his desk and says to Asok who is seated in front, "...and that's your performance review. Any questions?" Asok the intern says, "You talked about yourself for the full hour. Can we talk about me?" The Boss says, "Okay. YOU don't seem to know that YOUR meeting is over when YOU see me stand up." Asok says, "ooh."
Share July 10, 1999's comic on:
The boss and Dilbert are in a meeting. The boss says, "Meet with our vendor and come up with a plan. I'll do the same with their executives." Dilbert says, "Can you see any reason why MY meeting might be a complete waste of time?" The boss says, "Sure, lots of them, but I'm planning to spring those on you during your performance review."
Share May 19, 2000's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert during his performance review, "You didn't show any initiative this year." Dilbert replies, pointing at the Boss, "That's your fault for creating an atmosphere of fear and distrust. You, you, you." The Boss thinks to himself, "Note to self: Increase fear."
Share December 12, 2000's comic on:
Dilbert asks The Boss, "Is that what you wanted?" The Boss answers, "I'm not saying." The Boss says to Dilbert, "If I tell you it's good, you'll rub it in my face at your performance review." Dilbert says, "I'm sorry." The Boss says, "See how you are?"
Share August 13, 2001's comic on:
Catbert is standing on The Boss' desk. Catbert says, "Bob was working for you when he died. The family wants you to say something at his funeral." The Boss replies, "I barely knew him. Maybe I can read something from his last performance review." The Boss is standing at a podium at the funeral. He says in his speech, "Bob needs to work on his communication skills.. and attendance."
Share November 28, 1999's comic on:
CATBERT: EVIl Director of Human Resources Catbert is walking through the office carrying a paper thinking, "I love my job." He walks into Wally's cubicle and says, "Hello, hapless employee." He continues, "I've renamed the four levels of employee performance..." "...To accurately reflect the views of management." Catbert reading from his paper, "The category of "exceeds expectations" is renamed to..." "..."At least he or she doesn't drool on himself or herself."..." He continues, "..."Meets expectations will be called "loser". "Does not meet expectations" will now be called "Die! Die! Die!"..." Catbert is walking off thinking, "I could send it out by e-mail but I enjoy seeing the looks on their faces."
Share August 03, 2008's comic on:
The Boss says, "Ted, your position is being eliminated." Ted says, "What? You never told me there was anything wrong with my performance!" The Boss says, "It's not about your performance. Your position is being eliminated." Ted says, "Well, that seems mighty convenient." Ted says, "This way you can replace me without explaining why I never got a bad performance review." Ted says, "is this just a trick to make you feel less awkward while firing me?" A woman says, "I thought you said he'd be gone by now." The Boss says, "Is there any comfort in knowing your replacement is totally hot?"
Share August 17, 2016's comic on:
Boss: Make sure we get all of the cost savings that our vendor promised with our new software. Dilbert: Those savings are not real. The vendor lied to you because you know nothing about technology. Boss: If only I had some way to turn my mistake into his mistake. Catbert: It's called a performance review.