Search Results for "Ted"
Share October 09, 2011's comic on:
Ted: You know what would be great? I'd like to see a matrix comparing the features of our past products. Boss: Dilbert, why don't you pull that together for our next meeting! Dilbert: That would take two days and the matrix would have no practical use. The problem here is that Ted doesn't have any skin in the game. I propose that Ted has to bang his head on the table whenever he causes me to do extra work. That will help Ted make better decision about the value of my time. Ted: Never mind. Dilbert: Ninja economics!
Share November 09, 2011's comic on:
Ted: Hey, Alice! Did you hear about my big promotion? Alice: Congratulations, Ted. I'm not jealous at all. Keep up the good work. Sorry about my face. I haven't mastered the art of full-body lying.
Share January 07, 2012's comic on:
Ted: The project management framework embodies a project life cycle and five major project management process groups. Dilbert: Oh no! The extreme level of abstraction has made us weightless! Ted: That doesn't even make sense.
Share January 09, 2012's comic on:
Alice: Stop using the aisle behind my cubicle. It's distracting. Everything within twelve feet of my cubicle are my territorial waters. Ted: You can't enforce that. Alice: Tell that to my roboshark.
Share June 21, 2012's comic on:
Catbert: Ted, have you seen the Tupac video where he performs as a hologram? We've decided to do the same thing with all of our employees. We're going to move your data to the cloud. Ted: Tupac is dead. Catbert: I think you mean economical.
Share July 13, 2012's comic on:
Dogbert: Venture capitalists gave us $10 million, but I had to agree to put one ion them on board. TED: Should I be worried that your other board members have a combined I.Q of about 70? Dogbert: They weren't dumb enough to give me $10 million dollars. alligator: Burn!
Share October 31, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert, Ted and a woman sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "Ted, can you explain number two?" Ted replies, "No. I'm on vacation." Ted explains, "I take my vacations in ten minute increments during regular work days. That way I can avoid assignments." Dilbert says, "Your ten minutes are up." Ted coughs and says, "Whoa, I'd better take some sick time."
Share December 05, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert and Wally stand with Nervous Ted. Wally says, "I hear that big layoffs are coming, Nervous Ted." Ted screams and spills his coffee. Dilbert says, "Let me try one." Wally says, "Okay, but give him a minute." Ted looks frazzled.
Share June 19, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert, Wally and Ted sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "Maybe Ted can answer that question . . ." Ted thinks, "Uh-oh." Ted thinks, "They're trying to make me work. I'll have to use body language to discourage them." Ted puts a pencil up his nose and rubs his head. Dilbert says, "Uh . . . Never mind." Ted thinks, "It's working."