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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 2013's comic on:


Tags #internet & world wide web, #cruelty

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Coworker: You'll need to mail me the original signature page after everyone signs it. Dilbert: No problem. I'll use my time machine to go back to an era in which mailing original signatures made some kind of sense. I wonder if there will ever be a way to send images over the telegraph system.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2013's comic on:


Tags #boredom, #cruelty, #managers & supervisors

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Boss: Ted, I don't want to fire you because that would be expensive. So I'm borrowing a Japanese management technique and transferring you to a banishment room until you get so bored you quit. Ted: Looks like someone underestimated my tolerance for boredom.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2013's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #managers & supervisors, #grades

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Dilbert: I heard you got booted off the management fast track. Wally: Yeah. I fell asleep during the small animal snuff film and failed the sociopath module. Dilbert: That seems harsh. Wally: I offered to punch a squirrel, but they don't allow extra credit.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 2013's comic on:


Tags #honesty, #cruelty, #managers & supervisors

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Dilbert: My motivation is low today. I understand it's your job to fix that situation. An insincere attaboy or a fake interest in my life would be enough. Boss: Drop dead and let the flies eat you. Dilbert: I set the bar too high again.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2013's comic on:


Tags #executives, #cruelty, #mental health

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Dogbert; Research shows that CEOs are more likely to be psychopaths. Obviously, being a psychopath works. Don't let anyone tell you different. How's your grandiose sense of self-worth? CEO: It's the best. I should kill you for asking. Executive Coaching

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 2013's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #cruelty, #managers & supervisors

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Boss: According to studies, employees will work harder if they think their managers care about them. But that's hard for me because you're basically a sausage casing full of coffee and rotting organs. Dilbert: That must have stung. Wally: Less than you'd think.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2013's comic on:


Tags #inventions, #cruelty

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Dilbert: I added a biometric sensor to our smartphone prototype. It uses x-rays. Boss: Maybe you should have tested it on animals first. Dilbert: Do I look like an animal hater?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2013's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #negotiating

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Alice: Thanks for being flexible in these negotiations. You're a good sport. And by good sport, I mean good loser. ANd by good loser, I mean loser. Man: Some people call it generous.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 2013's comic on:


Tags #thinking, #cruelty, #complaining

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Boss: I'm looking for thought diversity in my hiring. That's a thing now. Alice: Really? That's a dumb thing. All you end up with is a bunch of people who can't agree. How do you like thought diversity now? Dilbert: That fad didn't last long.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 2013's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #writing

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Dilbert: I got the incomprehensible not you left on my desk. I wanted to let you know that I "flermmed the plootash" just as you asked. Boss: What makes you this way? Dilbert: Maybe my DNA is flermmed