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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2005's comic on:


Tags #phishing, #new hobby, #fake banking emails, #gullible executives, #financial information, #steal, #password social security card

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"I have a new hobby. It's called phishing." "I send fake banking e-mails to gullible executives. Then I find out their financial information and use it to steal the money they don't deserve." Dear Customer, This is your bank. We forgot your social security number and password. Why don't you send them to us so we can protect your money. Sincerely, I. B. Banker "Looks legit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2006's comic on:


Tags #team building exercise, #security gurad, #middle of desert, #leave you there

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"Ted, I'm sending you on a team-building exercise." "A security guard will drive you to the middle of the desert and leave you there!" "And then the team will rescue me?" "Sure."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2006's comic on:


Tags #security software, #upgrade it, #hackers, #steal identity, #bank accounts, #destroy hard drive, #cjoices

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DilMom "Your security software is out of date..." "Uh-oh." "Would you like to spend the rest of your natural life trying to figure out how to upgrade it?" "Erk!" "Or would you prefer to let hackers steal your identity, drain your bank accounts and destroy your hard drive?" "I need more choices!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 2008's comic on:


Tags #sensitive material, #interoffice, #topsecret, #moron, #security department, #slap hard, #run fast

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Ted: Your most sensitive materials should always be sent in an interoffice envelope marked 'top secret. Dilbert: Are you a moron who works in our security department, or an industrial spy who is too lazy to look through lots of envelopes? The boss: Our security guys don't slap that hard or run that fast.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2008's comic on:


Tags #ceo, #thrown out window, #press charges, #security, #gunning for job, #hire for yacht, #policeman

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Dilbert says, "My CEO threw me through a fifth-floor window. I'd like to press charges." A policeman says, "Your CEO? Do you think he would hire me to do security on his yacht?" Dilbert says, "No." The policeman says, "Would he hire me if I club you with this stick-thing?" Dilbert says, "Maybe."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2008's comic on:


Tags #security software, #insisting, #critical updates, #critical upadtes, #no win

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Wally says, "My security software kept insisting that I download critical updates." Wally says, "I didn't have time to do all that, and I couldn't risk using my computer without critical updates. It was a no-win situation." The Boss says, "Did you accomplish anything this week?" Wally says, "What part of 'no-win' is confusing you?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 2010's comic on:


Tags #urban legends, #reality, #check up, #underwear, #doctor, #exam, #social security number, #tic tacs, #pills, #trick, #medical

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The Boss says, "I can't tell the difference between urban legends and reality." Doctor says, "I'll need your social security number so I can tell the government not to count any votes you cast." The Boss says, "You can do that?" Doctor says, "Here're some pills that look exactly like tic tacs."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2010's comic on:


Tags #ted, #wrong, #termination, #fired, #documents, #security access, #passwords, #fix, #fugitive, #security, #trick

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The Boss says, "Carol, you filled out Ted's termination documents wrong. You put my name in the box as the fired employee." The Boss says, "My security access has been revoked. My phone is shut off, and my passwords are deactivated." The Boss says, "You need to fix this." Carol says, "Security, I found the fugitive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2010's comic on:


Tags #security access, #canceled, #accident, #mistake, #scared, #fugitive, #nervous, #invisible, #teach, #useless, #hvac, #breathing, #cubicle, #blend in, #secuirty guard

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The Boss says, "My security access was accidentally canceled and now I'm a fugitive." The Boss says, "Can you teach me to be as useless as you are so I'm invisible for all practical purposes?" Guard says, "I hear breathing but it must be the HVAC system." Wally says, "Be the cubicle."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2010's comic on:


Tags #security, #canceled, #accident, #help, #scared, #nervous, #ductwork, #forage, #stale donuts, #manage, #small vent

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The Boss says, "Asok, my security clearance was accidentally canceled. I need your help." Asok says, "Maybe you could live in the ductwork, and forage for stale donuts after dark." The Boss says, "How can I fit in there?" Asok says, "Try foraging as effectively as you manage."