Search Results for "failure"
Share September 15, 2005's comic on:
"Wally, after I left the meeting yesterday, did you blame me for the failure of the project?" "I'm getting a bad vibe from people today. That sort of rumor could stain my reputation and ruin my entire future." "How dare you accuse me..." "Well, well. Look who's impeding Wally again."
Share October 07, 2006's comic on:
I need to blame someone for the failure of Project Alpha. "Use the plunger of blame. It's the latest technology for randomly distributing blame." "Please tell me that someone is patting me on the back right now." BLAME
Share May 21, 2000's comic on:
The Boss asks Dilbert, "Can you explain why your project is behind schedule?" Dilbert answers, "Yes. A schedule is an artificial device created without knowledge of the future." Dilbert goes on to say, "Wild guesses are used as surrogates for knowledge." Dilbert says to the Boss, "Project deadlines ae tied to trade show dates instead of reality." Dilbert continues his explanation, "Then management cuts the budget until failure is assured." Dilbert says to the Boss, "I assume you called me here so you can apologize for your role in all this." The Boss sits in his chair looking puzzled and amazed. Dilbert then asks the Boss, "Would you like to hear how budgets are created?"
Share January 12, 2013's comic on:
Boss: I had to lay off seven engineers and... I need you to pick up those functions. Dilbert: Wow! I feel a weight has been lifted from my chest. Now that my failure is guaranteed, I no longer feel the stress of trying to succeed! I don't know how to thank you for this. Boss: This didn't go the way I hoped.
Share February 14, 2013's comic on:
Share May 03, 2008's comic on:
Man says, "You must be Dilbert. I'm the new guy on your project team." Dilbert says, "What's that foul stench?" Man says, "It's the stink of failure. It follows me around from project to project." Dilbert says, "How do I get if off?!!" Man says, "You can dilute it by shaking hands."
Share May 05, 2008's comic on:
Dilbert says, "Can I could on your cooperation for the next phase of the project?" Woman says, "No." Woman says, "You emit the musky scent of failure. Women can detect that sort of thing." Dilbert says, "Would a bath fix it?" Woman says, "How long are you willing to stay submerged?"
Share May 06, 2008's comic on:
"I acquired the musky scent of failure. Do you have anything that can get rid of it?" "Try being successful at something important." "I work in a fabric-covered box." "Okay, then try rubbing this behind both ears."
Share November 04, 2008's comic on:
The Boss says, "Does anyone know the root cause of our project's failure?" Dilbert says, "I'm a determinist, so I'd have to say the problem goes back to the origin of the universe." The Boss says, "Why are you like this?" Dilbert says, "My cubicle destroyed my illusion of free will."