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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 30, 1999's comic on:


Tags #bill gates, #Dogbert, #incoming missles, #anti microsoft weapons, #press conference, #huge catapult

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Dilbert sits on the couch next to Dilmom. Dilbert says, on the phone, "Dogbert, Mom told Bill Gates she uses the "Linux" operating system!" Dogbert stand at a large control panel which included a radar screen. Dogbert says, "I'm tracking four incoming missles. I'll launch our anti-miscrosoft weapons to intercept." Three reporters fly through the air towards a missle that has "MS" on its side. One of thre reporters says, "I wondered why a press conference was being held in a huge catapult."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 1999's comic on:


Tags #budget calculated, #double check numbers, #mentally adjust, #huge mistake, #upside down nine

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The boss stands behind Asok who is at his computer. The boss says, "Do you have the udget calculated yet, Asok?" Asok says, "I need to double-check the numbers." The boss says, "Give me a copy now. I'll mentally adjust for the possibilty the numbers are wrong." Asok says, "Am I making a huge mistake?" The boss says, "This six is probaly an upside-down nine."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 1999's comic on:


Tags #wax spoon, #huge spoon, #reapy, #gartitude

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Phil and Asok walk. Asok says, "Phil, you have atught me so muach about life. How can I repay you?" Phil says, "You can wax my huge spoon." Asok says, "Why do have a huge spoon?" Phil says, "I'm just lucky, I guess."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 1999's comic on:


Tags #fat man, #huge breakfast, #lunch, #until dinner, #work all night

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The boss walks with Asok. The boss says, "Asok, when I was your age I'd eat a huge breakfast, so I wouldn't have to stop working for lunch." The boss says, "Then I'd eat a huge lunch, so I could work all night, or until dinner, whichever came first." The boss says, "That's how I got to be the man I am today." Asok says, "Fat?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2000's comic on:


Tags #huge liars, #management in person, #dogbert investments

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Dogbert investments: Dogbert and Alice are in a meeting. Dogbert says: "Before I invest in a stock, I talk to the management in person." Alice says: "What good is that? They're all huge liars." Dogbert says: "You believe I really talk to them, right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2000's comic on:


Tags #unvested stock, #quit, #lose stock, #brain irrationality, #small loss, #huge opportunity, #stupid

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Outdoors, Dilbert tells Garbage Man: "If I quit I'll lose some unvested stock. That's why I'm willing to suffer my job." Garbage Man replies: "A normal brain irrationally puts more weight on a small loss than a huge opportunity." Dilbert begins to say: "But now that you explained it..." But Garbage Man interrupts him: "Now you're just stupid."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 2000's comic on:


Tags #huge severance package, #last four emplyees, #get fired, #can retire

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Ken says to Wally and Dilbert, "I got huge severance packages from the last four employers. Ken proudly goes on to say, "If I get fired one more time I can retire." The Boss approaches Ken from behind and says, "Ken, we need to talk." Ken snaps his finger and shouts, "Ka-ching!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 05, 2000's comic on:


Tags #assignment, #confronts lulu, #dilbert confronts lulu, #huge crisis, #series of crisises, #smite, #static guard, #god softening

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LULU: come help me on this assignment. Its a huge crisis! Dilbert: LULU, DO you very wonder why your life is a series of crises? LULU: I assume god is softening me up before smiting me. Dilbert: excuse me while I put on my static guard.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2001's comic on:


Tags #equity analyst, #rate stock, #banking investment, #wall, #between businesses, #weasels

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Equity Analyst Weasel: I'll rate your stock a "Must buy now" If you give us your investment banking business. The Boss: aren't you supposed yo have a chinese wall between those two businesses? weasel: Am I Too early? Weasel 1: Use the door idiot

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 2001's comic on:


Tags #greedy boss, #huge growth earnings, #mean boss, #miss growth, #poised, #stock options vest, #unrelated move, #leave company

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The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "Our CEO says we are poised for huge growth in earnings." The Boss continues, "In an unrelated move, he announced that he will leave the company before any of his stock options vest." Wally and Dilbert look horrified and their ties fly up in front of their faces as The Boss says, "The poor guy will miss all of our growth."