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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 2003's comic on:


Tags #announce record losses, #graphics department, #inebriated simians, #ratbert, #drawing, #monkey, #animals

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The Boss says to Dogbert, "We need to announce our record losses in a way that doesn't make management look like..." Dogbert finishes The Boss' sentence, "Inebriated simian miscreants?" The Boss replies, "Right." Headline: Graphics Department. Ratbert holds up a drawing of a monkey. Dogbert responds, "They want to go in a whole other direction."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2004's comic on:


Tags #sexism, #witch coven, #new manager, #face growl, #new dress code, #winged monkey, #called tough

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Zenox: "I'm Zenox, the new manager of this coven... I mean department." "When I am displeased I make this face and growl like the undead." Grrow-eeeahh! "The new dress code is 'winged monkey.'" Dilbert: "If a man acted like you he'd be called tough."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 2008's comic on:


Tags #monkey trainer, #freelancer, #career choices, #banana, #cubicle

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The Boss: Is this 'take your daughter to work day' again? Girl: No, I'm a free-lancer. I've narrowed my career choices to prison guard or monkey trainer. The boss: I don't see how coming here will help. Girl: I'll give you a banana if you show me your cubicles.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2008's comic on:


Tags #code monkey, #dreams, #evil director, #less work, #software simian, #architect, #engineering

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Wally: I'd like to change my job title to something with 'architect' in it. My dream is to do less work while allegedly being more valuable. Catbert: The best I can do is 'code monkey. Wally: How about 'software simian'?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 2008's comic on:


Tags #gossip, #spreading rumors, #monkey could do, #corporate newsletter, #trick question

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Carol says, "I heard a rumor that you think a monkey could do my job." Carol says, "Do you think a monkey could fling this corporate newsletter at your head?" Carol says, "Unh!!!" Ted says, "Is this a trick question?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 2008's comic on:


Tags #anger, #firing, #frustration, #rudeness, #profits falling, #worthless sack of monkey spit, #birds ate brain, #regurgitate pellets

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The Boss says, "Ted, profits are falling. I have to downsize you." Ted says, "You worthless sack of monkey spit! I hope the birds that ate your brain regurgitate pellets down your neck!" Ted says, "I have lots more, but I don't want to burn any bridges."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2010's comic on:


Tags #customers, #product design, #dumb, #hat, #monkey, #software, #meeting, #computer, #annoyed, #technology, #animals, #business, #engineering

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The Boss says, "We need to get our customers more involved in the product design cycle." Dilbert says, "We only have customers who are too dumb to check product reviews online." The Boss says, "Do it anyway." Customer says, "Can it wear a hat like a monkey?" Dilbert says, "For the millionth time, software can't wear clothes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2010's comic on:


Tags #powerpoint, #slides, #presentation, #monkey, #outsource, #pointing, #animals

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Dilbert says, "If we migrate our enterprise applications to the web, and outsource our sales and product development?" Dilbert says, "The entire company can be managed by one monkey." Dilbert says, "Plus a second monkey to look at the powerpoint slides from the first monkey."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 2010's comic on:


Tags #leg, #rope, #attached, #crony, #ceo, #job, #new boss, #qualified, #monkey, #hammer, #hold, #suspicious, #business, #animals

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CEO says, "This rope is attached to a crony from my last CEO job." CEO says, "Give it a good yank and reel him in. He's your new boss." The Boss says, "Is he qualified for the job?" CEO says, "Like a monkey with a hammer!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 2010's comic on:


Tags #flying monkey, #supreme leadership, #heir, #father, #son, #crazy, #office, #Family

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CEO says, "Assemble the supreme leadership board. I am ready to name an heir to succeed me." Dilbert says, "We don't have a supreme leadership board, and this isn't a hereditary dictatorship." CEO says, "That's crazy talk." Monkey says, "Ignore him, daddy."