Search Results for "incan monkey"
Share January 18, 2010's comic on:
Dilbert says, "If we migrate our enterprise applications to the web, and outsource our sales and product development?" Dilbert says, "The entire company can be managed by one monkey." Dilbert says, "Plus a second monkey to look at the powerpoint slides from the first monkey."
Share March 24, 2010's comic on:
CEO says, "This rope is attached to a crony from my last CEO job." CEO says, "Give it a good yank and reel him in. He's your new boss." The Boss says, "Is he qualified for the job?" CEO says, "Like a monkey with a hammer!"
Share November 27, 2010's comic on:
CEO says, "Assemble the supreme leadership board. I am ready to name an heir to succeed me." Dilbert says, "We don't have a supreme leadership board, and this isn't a hereditary dictatorship." CEO says, "That's crazy talk." Monkey says, "Ignore him, daddy."
Share November 29, 2010's comic on:
Dilbert says, "We have a problem. Our CEO is grooming a winged monkey as his successor." Alice says, "When you say, 'grooming,' I hope you meant training." Monkey says, "I felt something move right here." CEO says, "Ho ho! Last one. I'm stuffed."
Share September 19, 2010's comic on:
The Boss says, "I don't understand either of your technical proposals, and I need to pick one." The Boss says, "Normally I'd use favoritism, but I don't like either one of you." The Boss says, "So I'll give you an intelligence test, and I'll approve the proposal of whoever is the smartest." The Boss says, "If you shoot an arrow at a monkey from an airplane..." The Boss says, "And the monkey throws a coconut at the incoming arrow to stop it, but he misses..." The Boss says, "How can you tell what time it is?" Dilbert says, "There's not enough data." Coworker says, "You look at your watch?" The Boss says, "The correct answer is 'Ask the monkey and hope he doesn't hold a grudge."
Share October 17, 2010's comic on:
The Boss says, "We'll lose the Elbonian Project unless we give their minister of mud some? incentive." Wally says, "You mean a bribe?" The Boss says, "No. A bribe would be illegal." The Boss says, "Take a bag of gold to Elbonia and leave it by the statue of the monkey god, Oobanoobah." The Boss says, "If Oobanoobah does not accept your offering, by Elbonian law it becomes unclaimed property." The Boss says, "Take the gold to the unclaimed property desk at the ministry of mud." The Boss says, "Ring the bell and ask for the minister of mud. Give him the unclaimed property and a copy of our bid." Wally says, "What if the monkey god accepts the gold and I'm the only witness?" The Boss says, "What?" Wally says, "How much monkey god gold are we talking?"
Share December 05, 2007's comic on:
The Boss: "Asok, I need an intern to test-pilot our new moon shuttle prototype." Asok: "Wouldn't it be wiser to send a monkey on the first flight?" The Boss: "You're thinking of the second flight."
Share July 27, 2003's comic on:
"I surplussed Ted. You'll need to absorb his function." "Absorb his function?" "Are you telling me to do two jobs for one salary?" "No, I'm telling you to absorb his function.. in an absorptive fashion." "..Using osmosis, symbiosis, and synergy." "Can you change reality by inventing new names for ordinary things?" "I sure hope so. Otherwise my entire career has been a.. a.." "Tragic series of monkey-brained mistakes?" "Key learning."
Share January 03, 2014's comic on:
Boss: Criticize the behavior, not the person. The email you sent to everyone looks as if it had been written by a monkey on crack. Just to be clear, you are terrific, but everything you do is exactly what a moron would do.