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Ceo Succession Plan

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Ceo Succession Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2015's comic on:

Tags #inheritance & succession, #insulting, #strategy, #loser, #incompetent, #honor, #be considered

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CEO: The board is getting on me for not having a succession plan. Find me a loser who is so incompetent that the board won't want to fire me. Boss: It's an honor to even be considered! Catbert: I was going to say that!

What Phase Of The Project

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What Phase Of The Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2015's comic on:

Tags #insult, #insulting, #project, #questioning

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Boss: What phase is your project in? Dilbert: This is the phase where people ask stupid questions. Boss: How long does it last? Dilbert: It isn't looking good for today.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 2015's comic on:

Tags #catch-22, #compliment, #compliments, #insult, #insulting, #work ethic, #technical skills, #perfect attendance, #risk averse, #no social life, #irrational needs, #code writing puppet

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Boss: You're a perfect employee in many ways. Dilbert: I am? Boss: For example, you have excellent technical skills. Dilbert: That's true. Boss: And your attendance is perfect. Dilbert: Yes, it is. Boss: And you are too risk-averse to quit and start your own company. Dilbert: What? Boss: Plus, you have no social life to interfere with work.Dilbert: Are these still compliments? Boss: Combine all of that with your irrational need for approval, and it makes you a code-writing puppet. Did I already say you're underpaid? Dilbert: Stop complimenting me!

Dilbert Almost Done Commenting

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Dilbert Almost Done Commenting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 2015's comic on:

Tags #insult, #insulting, #idiot, #criticism, #critique, #name-calling

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Boss: Did you comment on my technology strategy yet? Dilbert: Almost done. Do you object to the word "idiot?" Boss: Yes. Dilbert: I might need another day.

Agree With Idiots To Gain Trust

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Agree With Idiots To Gain Trust - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2015's comic on:

Tags #condescention, #condescending, #agreement, #mocking, #insult, #insulting

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Boss: Stop agreeing with me in ways that sound like you don't mean it. Dilbert: Experts say one should first agree with idiots to gain trust before trying to change their minds. Boss: You need to stop doing that. Dilbert: You are so right about that.

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Wally's Hobby

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Wally's Hobby - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 2015's comic on:

Tags #compliment, #insult, #backhanded compliment, #hobby, #obliviousness, #deception

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Wally: Your strategy looks like a genius way to fight the last war. Boss: Thank you. Wally: No problem. You owe me a compliment. At what point does insulting your boss and getting away with it count as a hobby?

Advice

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Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2015's comic on:

Tags #ego, #talking, #conversation, #Advice, #insult, #insulting, #suggestion

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Coworker: Do you want some advice? Dilbert: Nope. Advice is just ego and ignorance disguised as helpfulness. Coworker: Then how will I hear myself talk? Dilbert: The supply cabinet has an awesome echo.

Scientists Confirm We Are Simulations

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Scientists Confirm We Are Simulations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2017's comic on:

Tags #reality, #simulation, #aliens, #alternate universe, #perception

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News: Scientists confirmed that our reality is actually a software simulation created by an advanced civilization. Dilbert: That makes no sense unless the advanced civilization is a bunch of psychopaths who like to see us suffer. Catbert1: One of the idiots in our simulation is insulting us. Catbert2: I'm going to break his phone screen.

Boss Is Not A Quitter

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Boss Is Not A Quitter - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 2017's comic on:

Tags #social media, #internet, #troll, #trolling, #baiting

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Boss: That stupid online troll is insulting me again on social media! I keep defending myself, but instead of agreeing with me, he keeps calling me "defensive" and "pathetic," Carol: Maybe you could stop engaging with him. Boss: I'm not a quitter!

Boss Gets A Troll

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Boss Gets A Troll - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 2017's comic on:

Tags #troll, #social media, #trolling, #insult

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Boss: This idiot keeps insulting me on social media! Every time I block him, he returns with a new account. It's like he never has anything better to do. Dilbert: Do you have a new hobby? Wally: It's more like a passion.