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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 17, 2005's comic on:


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"The last election was incredibly close. That's why it's so important to vote." "Smart, well-informed people were evenly divded. Therefore, logically, that proves that intelligence is not a factor, so voting is absurd." "Then you have no right to complain about the result." "I'm pretty sure I do."

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"My marketing plan involved giving free samples of our cruddy product to celebrity lookalikes." "The fact that it worked caused a steep decline in my respect for the intelligence of people." "In conclusion, there's a fine line between marketing and hating."

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Dogbert's Tech Support "Try rebooting yourself." "Clone yourself, put the clone up for adoption, and hope intelligence can be influenced by the environment." "Evidently your parents slapped together Version 1.0 of you and hoped no one would notice the bugs..."

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I am an alien with highly advanced intelligence. I have come to share my genius with this company. "Me too. But they don't like that sort of thing here." "It's a quagmire."

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Share November 01, 2012's comic on:


Tags #work ethic

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Dilbert: I would be more productive with my own office. Studies show that cubicle workplaces lower intelligence. Boss: You can't be sure that's true because your cubicle lowered your intelligence. Dilbert: Wait... why does that make sense? Boss: Because I have an office.

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Share February 18, 2014's comic on:


Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #sleeping & waking up

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Boss: I'm training myself to get by on five hours of sleep per night. Carol: Studies show that sleep deprivation lowers your functional intelligence. Boss: Not it not be doesn't. Carol? Can I have a thousand percent raise?

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Share March 08, 2014's comic on:


Tags #choosing, #thinking

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Dilbert: Our A-B tests show that orange buttons get 13% more clicks than green. I have now officially lost all faith in human intelligence. Boss: Stick with the green. It looks better. Dilbert: Sure. I feel liberated from the tyranny of thinking.

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Share July 04, 2014's comic on:


Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #obliviousness

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Boss: I want you to create artificial intelligence that is as smart as me. Dilbert: Okay. I should have that by lunchtime. Boss: Because you're a fast worker? Dilbert: Sure.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 05, 2014's comic on:


Tags #inventions

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Dilbert: My artificial intelligence software passes the PHB test. That means I can hide it behind a curtain and people won't know if they're talking to a computer or a pointy-haired boss. Computer, what is HTML5? Computer: Beats me. Boss: I was going to say that!

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Share October 26, 2014's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #trickery, #deception, #email, #iq, #intelligence, #insulting

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Wally: Studies show that continually checking email lowers your functional I.Q. You advised me to "work smarter," so I plan to ignore all of your email from now on. Boss: What if I text you instead? Wally: That's the sort of question that one asks after checking email too often. Boss: Did you just insult me? Wally: That answer is in your email. Boss: Where is it? I don't see any email from you. But I see six new emails that look important. What were we talking about. Wally: You were complimenting me on my efficiency.