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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 1999's comic on:


Tags #boss can't understand hire, #rodeo clown, #engineer, #smells like hay, #fifty percent, #data network engineer, #engineering

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A man in a dirty shirt says, to the boss, "Mwa fwa fwa ooh mah fuh." The boss says, "I can't understands a word you say." The boss says, "And your poorly dressed. You must be some sort of technology expert. Or a rodeo clown." The boss introduces dirty guy to Alice. The boss says, "There's a fifty percent chance I hired a data network engineer." Alice says, "I smell hay."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 1999's comic on:


Tags #lawyer, #court, #Dilbert, #whistle blower, #emplyer, #aaplets, #cookie data, #competing protals, #jury selction, #hungry, #legal

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Lawyer: Okay whistle blower, explain to the jury the alleged crimes pf your employer. ...Then our applets were designed to corrupt cookie data from all competing portals. Dilbert: Nice jury selection, Lawyer: So far you've made them hungry.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 1999's comic on:


Tags #dogberts tech support, #upgrade software, #old software, #back up data, #delete it yourself

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Caption: "Dogbert's tech support" Dogbert talks on the phone at a computer. Dogbert says, "If you upgrade your software, all of your data will be lost." Dogbert says, "But if you don't upgrade, the old software will corrupt your data one bit at a time." Dogbert says, "And if you try to back up your data, our software will hunt you down and bit-slap you until you delete it yourself."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 1999's comic on:


Tags #analyze data, #hostile takeover, #pattern, #laser pointer, #size head

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Dilbert pionts at an overhead projection and says, "Then if you.." A man interrupts and says, "...analyze the data." Dilbert thinks, "It's a hostile takeover of my presentation!" The man steps in front of Dilbert and says, "... you'll see a pattern." Dilbert sits on the couch at home in his robe eating ice cream. Dogbert says, "And you let him do it?" Dilbert says, "He had a laser ponter the size of your head."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 22, 1999's comic on:


Tags #market research data, #mouse, #footsteps

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Wally is sitting at his computer and the boss who is sitting behind him says: "Wally, don't do anything until we get the market research data." The boss walks away. Wally thinks: "No longer must I put my hand on the mouse when I hear footsteps. Yes!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 2000's comic on:


Tags #data miner, #eureka!, #correclation, #vacation, #telecommute, #expense vouchers, #vouchers, #out sick

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The data miner: The boss is sitting down and Dogbert is on top of the table wearing a hard hat with the light on and hitting a laptop with a stonecutter's hammer. Dogbert says: "Eureka! I found a correlation." Dogbert says to the boss: "When you're on vacation, all your employees telecommute." The boss says: "They do?" Dogbert says to the boss: "And 100% of all expense vouchers are signed when you're sick." The boss answers: "We have vouchers?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2001's comic on:


Tags #exit interview, #helpful data, #personal problems, #unethical weasel, #main reason for living

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Headline: The Exit Interview. The Boss sits at his desk facing an employee. He says, "What would you say is your main reason for leaving?" The employee responds lightly, "I can't stand working for an unethical weasel." Catbert is sitting at his desk, across from The Boss. The Boss says, "Yep, personal problems." Catbert responds, "I'm glad that we collect this helpful data."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 2001's comic on:


Tags #cure for carpel tunnel, #eat six bananas, #hands of teenager, #data, #medical advice, #huge pimple

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Asok is sitting at his desk, noticeably still in pain. The Boss says, "The cure for carpal tunnel is to eat six bananas a day." The Boss shakes his hand and continues, "That's what I do and I have the hands of a teenager." Asok turns around and replies, "Do you have any data to support your medical advice?" The Boss responds, "Does a huge pimple count?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 2001's comic on:


Tags #bad data, #data, #grossly inaccurate, #managing is hard

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The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "All of our data is grossly inaccurate... but I need data in order to manage." The Boss continues, "If I concentrate hard enough I can forget that the data is bad. Then I can use it." Wally and Dilbert watch as The Boss shakes with clenched teeth. Wally says, "I have to give him credit.; managing is harder than it looks."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 2001's comic on:


Tags #accounting trolls, #explination, #budget season, #spit on data, #95% spit, #finance trolls, #underground, #beneath the earth

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Headline: Accounting Trolls. Dilbert hands the trolls a piece of paper and says, "I need an explanation for these numbers." A troll responds, "This is budget season so I will spit on your data and send you away." Dilbert says, "That doesn't sound too bad." While one troll accumulates his spit, the other replies, "Our bodies are 95% made of spit."