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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2005's comic on:


Tags #raises, #salary band, #205 higher, #raises capped, #supervisor

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The Boss: "I'd like to promote you, but the lowest salary band for the next level is 20% higher than your current pay." "Raises are capped at 5%, so there's no way to give you the promotion." "So I plan to hire someone from the outside that you can train to be your supervisor."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 11, 2008's comic on:


Tags #salary, #above midpoint, #sock, #hand, #paycheck, #demonstration

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The Boss says, "Your salary is already above the midpoint for your pay range." The Boss says, "Excuse me while I remove a sock to explain what will happen to your pay going forward." The Boss says, "Let's say the sock is inflation and my hand is your paycheck."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2008's comic on:


Tags #new job, #miserable and helpless, #Women, #attracted to men, #salary ranges, #trophy wives, #carnival skanks

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Dilbert's moral compass is damaged. Dilbert says, "My new job is to make employees feel miserable and helpless." Dilbert says, "Here's a chart that shows the sort of women that are attracted to men at various salary ranges." Dilbert says, "Trophy wives are at the top, obviously, and down in your range we have the carnival skanks."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2008's comic on:


Tags #dogcart the ceo, #salary, #400x more, #admit your selfish

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "My salary is 400 times more than yours." Dogbert says, "My goal is to jack that up to 410, maybe 420." A woman says, "I hate you for this." Dogbert says, "So you admit you're selfish?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 2007's comic on:


Tags #tech writer, #salary, #number of pages, #high volume, #low quality, #hairball, #pocket

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Tina the tech writer The Boss: "I decided to base your salary on the number of pages you write." Tina: "Fine. I'll give you a high volume of low quality work." The Boss: "Sometimes the best you can do is move the hairball to another pocket."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 2003's comic on:


Tags #surplussed ted, #absorb function, #2 jobs one salary, #absorb his funtion, #osmosis, #symbiosis, #syneregy, #key learning, #tragic series, #monkey brained

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"I surplussed Ted. You'll need to absorb his function." "Absorb his function?" "Are you telling me to do two jobs for one salary?" "No, I'm telling you to absorb his function.. in an absorptive fashion." "..Using osmosis, symbiosis, and synergy." "Can you change reality by inventing new names for ordinary things?" "I sure hope so. Otherwise my entire career has been a.. a.." "Tragic series of monkey-brained mistakes?" "Key learning."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 03, 2002's comic on:


Tags #coproaret social responsibilty, #cut salary, #poor people, #extra money, #hose stock holders, #hurt stock options, #pollute less, #bucket, #river, #sludge out, #coffee, #zesty

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Tina says to The Boss, "We need to show more corporate responsibility." The Boss replies, "Okay, I'll cut your salary and give the extra money to poor people." Tina says, "I was hoping we could hose the stockholders, not me." The Boss responds, "That would hurt my stock options." He pauses and then asks, "What if we pollute less?" Tina exclaims, "Yes, yes! That's what I'm talking about. We could pollute less!" The Boss says, "Okay, take a bucket to the river and see how much of our sludge you can get out." Tina asks, "Where would I put it?" Dilbert and Wally are at the coffee machine. Dilbert asks, "Is it just me or has the coffee improved?" Wally exclaims, "Zesty!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 2014's comic on:


Tags #graphic design, #graphic designers, #outsourcing, #new employee, #subcontract, #starngers, #internet, #5% salary, #undermind

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Boss: Dilbert, meet our new graphic designer. Dilbert: If I had your job, I would secretly sub it out to strangers on the Internet and pay them 5% of my salary while I did nothing all day. Oops, sorry. I didn't know you were already there.

Ceo Inflates His Own Head

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Ceo Inflates His Own Head - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2015's comic on:


Tags #bonus, #ceos, #competition, #executives, #height, #money, #salary, #wages

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Catbert: Now that our policy is to pay people based on height, your CEO salary is capped, too. CEO: That's what you think. Watch what happens when I hold my nose and close my mouth and blow. Catbert: Well, I guess it only needs to last until bonus season.

Living Under A Bridge

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Living Under A Bridge - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 2015's comic on:


Tags #debt, #student loans, #loans, #salary, #universities & colleges, #money, #wages

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Boss: I can offer you a starting salary of $34,000 per year. Man: My student loan debt is $200,000. I would have to live under a bridge and forage for food. Boss: Our bridges have good reputations. Man: I heard the same thing about my college.