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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 14, 1996's comic on:


Tags #director of marketing, #annoying, #illogical, #whack, #better owner, #salary to earnings

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Dilbert and Wally stand in front of Ratbert who is standing on a desk. Dilbert says, "Ratbert, we'd like you to be the Director of Marketing for the company we're starting." Ratbert says, "Okay! What do I do?" Dilbert responds, "Be as annoying and illogical as you can. We'll whack you in the head with balled-up socks to make you shut up." Ratbert lies on the table after being beaten with socks. Dilbert says, "It's definitely better to be an owner than an employee." Wally says, "Let's link his salary to earnings! Hee hee!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 1996's comic on:


Tags #injury free days, #very ironic, #chart injuries, #falls, #putting up sign accident

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Dilbert walks by a workman standing on a chair and nailing a sign to the wall. The sign says, "10 Injury Free Days." Dilbert hears, "Bam! Aaaeeii!! R-r-roll thud." Dilbert stands over the workman who has fallen off the chair. Dilbert says, "This is very ironic." The workman says, "No, it was ironic when it happened eleven days ago."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 1996's comic on:


Tags #idiot fell, #twelve hours, #chair safety training, #do, #not do

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The Boss says to Wally and Alice, "Some idiot stood on a chair and fell off." The Boss continues, "Now we all have to take twelve hours of chair safety training." Wally and Alice wince. During training Alice, Wally and the Boss watch a man standing on his head and spinning on a chair. The Boss whispers, "Is that a 'do' or a 'not do?'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 1996's comic on:


Tags #mail sent, #bag, #often flier status, #seat upgrade, #overhead bin, #disaster averted, #colicky baby convention, #other passengers

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Dilbert stands at the Happy Airlines check-in counter. He hands the ticket agent a sack and says, "This bag contains all the mail you've sent me about my 'Often Flier' status." Dilbert continues, "I'll trade everything in the bag for a seat upgrade. I'm currently assigned to an overhead bin." The woman looks in the bag and says, "Okay." Dilbert hands his boarding pass to an agent and thinks, "Whew! Disaster has been averted." The man standing behind Dilbert holds two infants. He asks the woman behind him, "Are you guys going to the colicky baby convention too?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 20, 1992's comic on:


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Dilbert sits at his desk. He hears, "Ha ha! Now spin on your head! Ha ha ha!" Dilbert walks into the room and sees an Elbonian standing on his head. He asks Dogbert, "What's going on here?" Dogbert replies, "This is Yergi. He's visiting from Elbonia." Dogbert explains, "The economy in Elbonia is so bad he only earns three dollars a month as a doctor." Dogbert continues, "It takes a year to earn enough for a pair of shoes . . . It takes TWO years for a pound of meat." Dogbert continues, "Philanthropist that I am, I offered to give him an old boot if he would act like my trained monkey for a week." Dilbert scolds, "Dogbert! I can't believe you would buy this man's dignity for an old boot!" Yergi says, "I plan to tell the kids it's a pound of meat." Dogbert says, "Quiet, Bobo."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 1997's comic on:


Tags #claustrophobic in here, #copy machine, #new roomate, #share cubicles, #space constraints

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Wally stands infront of his cubicle. The Boss says, "Due to space constraints, some people will have to share cubicles." The Boss reads from a sheet of paer. "According to the list, your new roommate will be... the copy machine." Wally sits at his desk, his head pressed into the butt of the large woman standing behind him at the copy machine. She says, "Is it claustrophobic in here or is it just me?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 1997's comic on:


Tags #75 extra copies, #discuss, #huge surprise, #mordac, #request computer upgrade, #the rufuser

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Wally sits at his computer. The man standing behind him says, "I am Mordac the Refuser. I am here to dicuss your request for a computer upgrade." Mordac eats Wally's request, shoving the paper into his mouth loudly. Wally is mortified. Mouth full of paper, Mordac says, "We lotht thuh pahperwuhk.(We lost the paperwork.)" Wally holds a stack of paper and says, "That's a huge surprise. Luckily I made seventy-five extra copies."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 1993's comic on:


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Dogbert sits on the hassock watching television. A newscaster says, "The budget for education was cut ten million dollars." Dogbert thinks, "Is that a big percentage? Does it make any difference?" The reporter says, "Congress considered a music safety law after studies showed a ten percent increase in piano-related deaths." Dogbert wonders, "How does that compare to other health risks? Should I be concerned?" The newscaster continues, "Lawmakers debated a bill to lower capital gains tax rates . . ." Dogbert thinks, "What do most economists think? Would it stimulate the economy much? Should I care?" The newscaster continues, "A new poll show that many voters have strong opinions on these issues despite the fact that we provide no useful contextual data." Dogbert walks away with his ears standing up. He thinks, "I've got to stop watching scary shows right before bedtime."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 1998's comic on:


Tags #college, #dilmom, #filberts mother, #investment, #results of college, #sons cubicle

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Dilbert and his mom are in the car. Dilbert's mom says, "It's so exciting to visit my son's cubicle!" As they're walking into the office, Dilbert's mom turns and says, "I worked hard to put you through college. Now I'll see the results of my investment!" Dilbert and his mom are standing in his cubicle. Dilbert's mom says, "Um.. you did attend classes, right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 14, 1998's comic on:


Tags #free flu shots, #wealth stock holders, #hunt down, #shoot flu darts, #not flu prevention shits

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Catbert is standing at the entrance to Wally's cubicle. Catbert tells him, "The company is giving free flu shots, Wally." A man holding a rifle, wearing safari gear and glasses, reminiscent of Teddy Roosevelt, stands next to Catbert. Catbert continues, "The shots will be delivered by wealthy stockholders who will hunt you down and shoot you with flu darts." Wally, with the barrel of the rifle pointed in his back, asks, "At least I won't get the flu, right?" Catbert replies, "You're probably thinking of the flu prevention shots."