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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"We must constantly ask ourselves what we can do to delight our customers." "We could stop having these meetings, fire everybody in the room and lower the prices of our products." "I was thinking more alone the lines of a slogan." "How about, 'we waste your money'?"

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"Have you ever noticed how incredibly cute I am?" "Look at this little black nose, soft furry ears, adorable little tail...with these looks I could get away with murder." "I'm thinking of becoming a hit man for the mob." "I'm glad we have these little talks."

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I found a way to profit from my innate cuteness.

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"That joke was not funny. You're insensitive, Dogbert." "Well, here we go with the 'insensitive dog bashing'." "Is it my fault I was born without the ability to sense the feelings of others?" "Oh, sure, I wish I could be like you." "Somehow you know exactly what it feels like to a different gender, race, lifestyle or body." "But I'm insensitive. All I know is how I feel!! And I'm proud of it!" "But you'd understand that, if you weren't insensitive about insensitivity!!" "When you put it like that, I feel kinda bad." "Who cares?"

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"I can't live my life trying to please others." "I think I can speak for all others when I say, 'Fool! You'd better please us or we'll crush you!'" "It was just a thought." "We 'others' don't like to be threatened."

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As the leader of this organization it's my job to set priorities.

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"I say it's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission." "I say it's better to seek permission, thus delaying your personal risk until it all becomes moot in the next reorganization." "That makes mine sound kinda stupid." "Get over it."

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"Although I'm technically the 'Boss' I believe it's my job to make resources available to you, the common employees." "I need more money for my project." "Sorry, all gone." "Maybe I'll get on your calendar so we can discuss it." I've got twenty minutes next summer."

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"35 inch monitor, 20 MEGs of RAM, 1.2 gigabytes of hard disk space..." "I feel a song coming on." "People...who don't need people...are the ha-a-a-ppiest people."