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I finished the prototype for the wireless hassock-buddy.

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"We haven't sold a single unit of our new wireless hassock product." "Our plan is to make the sales people work in teams and take turns wearing electroshock pants." "Now close the deal, Cliffy, or it's payback time." "BUY IT!!! BUY IT!!!"

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I'm a writer for 'Morons oon Parade' magazine. Do you mind if I ask you some questions?

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You made the cover of 'Morons on Parade'.

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Did you ever think about selling our confidential data-base of customer information?

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"Now Dilbert will explain what went wrong with our projects this year." "All of our problems were caused by a woman named Lisa." "Lisa never learned to act aloof and unapproachable. Sometimes she smiles and men she doesn't even know." "Gasp." "Gasp." "As you know, 90% of engineers are lonely men." "A permanent line formed outside her cubicle." "The engineers brought her food, gifts and poems that weren't as funny as they'd hoped." "Food, Gifts, Poems (bad)." "I recommend replacing Lisa with someone more like this." "What's THAT supposed to mean?" "My poems aren't funny?"

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DOGBUERT CONSULTS "To survive, you must create disruptive innovations that redefine the market." "Does that mean the same thing as 'sell things people want'?" "There's one big difference." "You only get paid if you say it in a funny way?" "I like to think disruptively innovative."

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DOGBURT CONSULTS "I recommend forming a separate group to pursue disruptive innovations." "It will be a glorious place: fully funded, amazing ambiance, brilliant people, free from bureaucracy." "Best of all, once a year they'll let you losers tour their work space and sit in their bean bag chairs."

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"My new home theater is amazing." "It's got a dvd, hd, dvr, fm, satellite dish, mp3, widescreen tv, seven speakers and a universal remote." "It's fun to invite people over so they can show me how to turn it on."

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"Welcome to Dogbert's school for worthless sycophants." "Our first lesson is 'Head nodding for beginners.'" "Good good, now get ready to snap it forward."