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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"And you failed at your primary objective of winning a bid for the galatikus job." "That's because you said you'd deliver the bid on time, but you got seduced by Irish line-dancing lessons and forgot to mail it!" "I can't believe you're trying to pin the blame on the Irish."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"The management retreat in Hawaii was productive." "We calculated how many employees we needed to downsize to pay for the trip." "Don't blame me, Ted. I voted against the third helicopter ride."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Alice, your problem is that you take on too much work." "The problem is that you GIVE me too much work!" "Your second problem is that you blame others, and your third problem is that you're always angry." "GAAA!! IT'S ALL YOU!!"

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"I ask all prospective employees this question to test their reasoning." "You have one fox and two chickens that you need to get across a river. You can only take one at a time in the rowboat. The fox will eat the chickens if left alone." "I'd buy livestock insurance, then barbecue the chickens and blame the fox." "Can you start today?"

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"I just saw a list of everyone's salary." "I thought the glass ceiling was holding me down, but you have the highest pay here." "There's no one left to blame for my low pay except... Ooh, wait... How about illegal aliens?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert: Siri, how can I avoid blame for our server outage? Siri: Deploying coccyx air bag. Wally: So your tailbone isn't vestigial? Dilbert: Nope. And apparently it has bluetooth.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Don't blame me, but there's no budget to give you a raise this year." "Why not?" "My business trip to Las Vegas cost four million dollars because I passed out in the bathtub with the water running and flooded five floors." "The bartenders there are totally irresponsible."

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Do you have the list of invitees for the debriefing meeting? "Here." "I like to blame people who won't be in the room." "Bad news for you: You're not on the list."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Wally, after I left the meeting yesterday, did you blame me for the failure of the project?" "I'm getting a bad vibe from people today. That sort of rumor could stain my reputation and ruin my entire future." "How dare you accuse me..." "Well, well. Look who's impeding Wally again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Satan's Vendor "You'll have many benefits after our technology is irrevocably implemented in your network." "For example, when one of our products stops working, we'll blame another vendor within 24 hours." "Do you have free t-shirts?" "Yes. They're made of the finest allergens."