Search Results for "catch-22"
Share July 07, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert walk through the park. Dilbert is wearing a jogging suit and holds a Frisbee. He says, "I hate it when the title of a book gives away the whole plot." Dilbert throws the Frisbee. He says, "Take Hemingway's "Old Man and the Sea." Geez, talk about leaving nothing to the imagination." The Frisbee lies on the ground. Dilbert says, "I guess the odds were very low that you would leap in the air and catch that." Dogbert replies, "I'm only here to be a chick magnet."
Share November 22, 1992's comic on:
Two men shove each other as they enter "Dogbert's School for Jerks." Dogbert stands on a stool and says, "We'll begin by sorting you into the three major jerk categories for specialized instruction." Dogbert holds up a photo and says, "Look at this picture of supermodel Cindy Crawford." A man in the audience says, "Whoa! Hubba! Snort!" Dogbert says, "Anybody who said 'hubba,' stand over there. You are what is called 'jerks around women.'" Dogbert tosses a ball into the audience and says, "Now, somebody catch this ball, please." Someone yells, "Foul! You fouled!" Dogbert says, "Anybody who yelled 'foul' is a 'sports jerk.' Stand over there." A man says, "It WAS a foul." Dogbert says, "So, whoever is left must be . . ." A woman wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase says, "Hurry up. I'm late for court." The man next to her asks, "You're a lawyer too?" Another man says, "I was going to say 'hubba.'"
Share August 04, 2000's comic on:
Alice says to the Boss, "Someone stole my purse." Alice continues, "So I used my navy seal training to booby-trap my cubicle." From Alice's cubicle someone screeches. "Aaiee!!!" Alice replies, "The mail is early today."
Share January 17, 1999's comic on:
Dilbert walks by the security desk with a computer part under his arm. The guard says, "Stop." The guard says, "Show me your "equipment removal authorization form." Dilbert shows him a piece of paper. The guard says, "This requires the signature of TWO employees." Dilbert hands the guard a pen and says, "Good catch. You'd better sign it so it's legal." The guard says, "This seems wrong... but I don't know why why." Dilbert says, "And I'll need to see your birth certificate" The guard says, "I don't have one." Dilbert says, "Then how do you know you were born?" The guard thinks, "I have baby pictures, but they could have been doctored by my alleged mom."
Share February 11, 2003's comic on:
Wally and Dilbert are at the coffee machine. Wally says, "I heard you had a cold." Dilbert responds, "It wasn't a cold." Dilbert continues, "I was addicted to prescription drugs and I grew an exoskeleton. I've been in rehab and surgery for six months." Wally responds, "Just to be clear: Can I catch any of that by touching the coffeemaker after you?"
Share March 18, 2004's comic on:
Asok: Are you the troll that handles our payroll system? I have a problem. Troll: problems are handled by our automated sadistic phone system. ASOK: For tech support, press the exact value of 22 divided by 7
Share June 24, 2004's comic on:
The Boss: "According to your resume, you left your last job because you allegedly stole lots of great stuff." "Technically, if they catch you in the parking lot, and you give it back, that's not stealin'." "And you buried a German tourist in your cellar." "One time!"
Share April 25, 1999's comic on:
Title reads: "Dogbert Presents." Dogbert stands in front a sign, reading "Managing by Analogies." He says, "It's easy!" The Boss and Dilbert at a table. The Boss says, "We'll solve our distribution problem the eskimo way." Dilbert responds, "Huh?" The Boss continues, "The eskimos gather ice all winter long." Then, "Later, during the lean summer months, the eskimos eat the ice they stored." The Boss adds, "We'll do the same thing." Dilbert explains, "But... the eskimos would starve if they only ate ice." The Boss says, "Maybe they eat penguins too. They're delicious." The Boss stands and adds, "Did you know the zoo can ban you for life if they catch you using a hibachi?"
Share October 14, 2005's comic on:
"Our total sales to Elbonia are one package of software." "That can only mean that they're engaged in massive software piracy." "When I toss the tiny Frisbee (TM), you leap in the air and catch it in your mouth." "You first."