Search Results for "customer service"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Blist Point For 3 D Goggles

Thank you for voting.
Blist Point For 3 D Goggles - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 2014's comic on:


Tags #customer retention, #death, #immersive technology, #moratlity, #technology, #virtual reality, #immersive 3d head gear, #starved, #bliss point

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We found the "bliss point" for immersive 3-D headgear. The product is so good that 87% of our customers starved to death while using it. CEO: We never get the customer retention part right.

Dilbert Chooses Life

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert Chooses Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 2015's comic on:


Tags #off the grid, #emergency, #hiding, #help, #cell phone, #service, #connection, #nature, #allergy, #reaction, #decision

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My hiding strategy of going off the grid was working until I ate that berry. If I call for help, the government will find me. If I don't I will die. I choose life! Phone: No service.

Turn Down Service

Thank you for voting.
Turn Down Service - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 23, 2016's comic on:


Tags #pun, #wordplay, #hotel, #turn-down

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'd like to decline your turn-down service tonight so I can have some privacy. Voice: We're going to do it anyway. Good luck finding your stuff after we randomly move it. Dilbert: What? You can't do that! I hereby turn down your turn down of your turn-down service! Voice: Say goodbye to your phone charger!

Boss Cancels Food Service

Thank you for voting.
Boss Cancels Food Service - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2017's comic on:


Tags #lunch, #Food, #stealing, #refrigerator, #property, #misunderstanding

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I've decided to cancel our food service to save money. Dilbert: We don't have a food service. We all bring our own food and keep in the break room refrigerator. Boss: I've been eating the food in there for seven years. Dilbert: I'd keep that to myself if I were you.

Ideal Customer

Thank you for voting.
Ideal Customer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 2017's comic on:


Tags #market research, #sham, #yes-man, #demographics

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: My research shows that your ideal customer is a male Olympic athlete between the ages of 120 and 145. And just to be safe, you want that guy to not have a Yelp account. Boss: How many people are in that group? Dogbert: None, but my research will help you double that.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 2011's comic on:


Tags #internet & world wide web, #anxiety

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: I have so many passwords and email accounts and user names that I don't know what goes to what. I'm lost. If you can't help me I think I might snap. Dogbert: No problem. What's your password recovery PIN code? Noise: SNAP! Dogbert's password recovery service.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 2011's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #internet & world wide web, #anxiety

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Are you trying to recover a password, PIN code, user name, pass code or code word? Man: I hate this stupid complicated planet! I am so out of here! Dogbert's password recovery service. And that is how Floyd became the first person to hold his breath and jump into outer space.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #executives

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "If we build our software with no bugs, we can make a 10% return on our investment." Dilbert says, "But if we do a poor job, we can make a 40% return by selling upgrades and service." Dilbert says, "But don't worry. We only have the budget for a poor job." CEO says, "I can't remember if we're cheap or smart." Boss says, "Phew!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 2011's comic on:


Tags #restaurants, #dating

View Transcript

Transcript

Waiter: Would you mind filling out this customer survey so we know how we're doing? Dilbert: I don't have time to fill out surveys about everything I do. But you're making me feel guilty about not doing it. Oh no! You turned a good customer experience into something ugly. It's getting all awkward and I'm looking like a big jerk in front my date. Now I can never again eat here because I'm afraid of what you'll do to my food. You've ruined my favorite restaurant, as well as my chance of romance with this woman. Waiter: ... favorite restaurant... Woman: What are you doing later?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #worry, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Wally, should I try to become indispensable so I won't be fired? Wally: No. Indispensable people end up working too hard because they can't risk showing anyone else how to do what they do. Asok: Being useless seems riskier. Wally: Have you seen the tie clip I got for 20 years of service?