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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 1997's comic on:


Tags #going on vacation, #compile our inputs, #highest human potential

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Dilbert sits at his desk with Dogbert. A voice yells, "Hey, Dilbert! You'll never be hungry as long as you're workin' in this strip . . ." Billy from "Family Circus" says, ". . . 'Cause you're sure of THREE SQUARES every day!" Billy continues, "Some of us hafta keep goin' around in circles!" Dilbert says into the telephone, "Security?" (This strip was drawn by Bill Keane, creator of "Family Circus," for April Fools' Day.)

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 2000's comic on:


Tags #data, #make face, #quite shoccking, #sales higest, #mining data

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The boss and Dogbert are in a meeting, Dogbert is wearing a mining hard hat. The boss says: "Our consultant has been mining all day." Dogbert says: "The results are quite shocking." The boss is sitting between Dilbert and Dogbert, he is reading a sheet of paper. The boss says: "According to the data, sales are always highest when I do this..." The boss pulls the side of his mouth with one hand and pulls his nose up with the other, Dilbert and Dogbert look at him.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2004's comic on:


Tags #porject, #top prioroty, #tell everything, #bored, #can't stay awake, #haven't talked yet, #gets worse

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The Boss: Your project is my top priority. Tell me everything that I need to know. In so bored...cant...stay...awake. Dilbert: I haven't started talking yet. The Boss: Int gets worse??! Dilbert: oo okay

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 2004's comic on:


Tags #low pay, #lowest paid, #blame, #no one left, #aliens, #illegal

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Tina: "I just saw a list of everyone's salary." "I thought the glass ceiling was holding me down, but you have the highest pay here." "There's no one left to blame for my low pay except... Ooh, wait... How about illegal aliens?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 2006's comic on:


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"Alice, you did the work of three people this year and earned the highest raise in the department!" "3%" FOOM! "What made you all cumulo-nimbus?" "3%"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 2007's comic on:


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"In order to boost productivity, the company has decided that employees can not use e-mail on Fridays." "What if my highest priorities require e-mail? Should I waste my day doing worthless stuff?" "Geez, somehow you made a great idea seem ridiculous." "Yeah, that's all me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 2009's comic on:


Tags #reading, #budget, #fixing, #failure

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The boss says, "We can only afford to fix the high-priority bugs." Dilbert says, "If we don't fix 100% of the bugs, the software will be 100% useless." Dilbert says, "So our plan is to fail?" The boss says, "More slowly."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 12, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #schedule, #conference room, #boss, #yell, #angry, #tie up, #pointy hair

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The Boss says, "I need this room for my meeting." Dilbert says, "Wouldn't it make more sense for you to get a different room since we're already here?" The Boss says, "All of the conference rooms are booked." Dilbert says, "Okay, then I guess we should compare the importance of your meeting versus this one." The Boss says, "That's not how it works." The Boss says, "Conference rooms go to the highest ranked manager." Dilbert says, "It took me months to schedule this meeting!" The Boss says, "Scram." The Boss says, "The goal of this meeting is to figure out why nothing ever gets done around here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 2007's comic on:


Tags #tall pants, #traditional hair, #unholy allaince, #military industrial complex, #attack allies

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Dogbert: I'll need more than tall pants and traditional looking hair to get elected to president. "I'm hoping to form an unholy alliance with the military industrial complex." "You're willing to attack allies?" Dogbeert: "It's the highest R.O.I."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2005's comic on:


Tags #work load, #complaints, #drowning in work, #priorotize, #fax, #new guy set, #faxing project, #reading comics

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The Boss: "Carol, the new manager hasn't hired an admin. so I said he could share you." Carol: "What?!!" "I'm drowning in work, and you want to double my load???!!!" The boss: "It's no big deal. Just prioritize your work." "And I need you to fax this." Carol: "No can do." "My top priority is getting the new guy all set up." The Boss: "Hmmm... I guess that's fair. I'll send him over." Carol: "I can't order your business cards, I need to do a huge faxing project!" "Hee hee! Marmaduke is sitting on something again!"