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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 1994's comic on:


Tags #pyramid scam, #marketing breakthrough, #new recruit, #amazingly wealthy, #being your own boss, #one thousand dollars, #the world pays, #money, #scam

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"Remember, it's not a pyramid scam, it's a marketing breakthrough!" "The beauty of it is a new recruit is born every minute." "Are we guaranteed to become amazingly wealthy?" "While being our own boss?" "Yes, unless you're lazy or ethical." "Each person you recruit pays you one thousand dollars. The recruits get their own recruits and charge them TWO thousand, and so on." "Eventually, every person on Earth will be giving you money. And that adds up." "You can't argue with the math." "I feel like we're a big family." "The best part is that every person on Earth will get rich!" "Actually, the last recruit kinda gets it in the shorts."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #gullible, #spend money, #gullible freinds, #touch tone phone

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Dilbert walks through the house thinking, "Where's Dogbert?" Dilbert sits on the couch and turns the television on with the remote control. He thinks, "Uh-oh." On a tv commercial, Dogbert sits at a desk wearing a sorcerer's hat. Dogbert asks, "Are you gullible? Do you spend money on stupid stuff?" Dogbert continues, "Call the 'Dogbert Gullible Friends Hotline' for help. Only four dollars per minute." On tv, a woman says into a telephone, "Hello, Dogbert. I bought an exercise machine and I'm still lazy." Dogbert says, "Please hold." The woman replies, "Okay." Dogbert says, "Call now, and I'll replace your old television with a new one that looks just like it, while you sleep!" Dogbert continues, "If you don't have a touch tone phone, stay on the line . . . Until you get one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 1999's comic on:


Tags #workplace crimes, #crimes before, #copycat, #goodness

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Wally reads at a desk, Dilbert listens. Wally says, "Our company newsletter has reports of bizarre work-place crimes." Wally reads, "I've never thought of these crimes before, but now I have the urge to be a copycat." Wally turns to Dilbert and says, "Thank goodness my parents raised me to be lazy." Dilbert says, "They were very wise."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 17, 2002's comic on:


Tags #bad hotel, #bubonic inn, #elbonia, #fleas, #mattress, #what kind of fleas

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Headline: In Elbonia. Dilbert says to an Elbonian, "Excuse me. My boss is cheap; can you direct me to a bad hotel?" The Elbonian responds, "I recommend the Bubonic Inn. It is so bad they will pay you to stay there." The man behind the hotel counter looks like a skeleton and has a rat on his head. The man says, "What kind of fleas do you want in your mattress?" Dilbert replies, "Lazy ones."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2002's comic on:


Tags #poisoned, #bad user interface design, #crowd out ugly, #staggering beauty, #drink in, #garbageman advice

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Headline: In Elbonia. Dilbert says to an Elbonian, "Excuse me. My boss is cheap; can you direct me to a bad hotel?" The Elbonian responds, "I recommend the Bubonic Inn. It is so bad they will pay you to stay there." The man behind the hotel counter looks like a skeleton and has a rat on his head. The man says, "What kind of fleas do you want in your mattress?" Dilbert replies, "Lazy ones."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 2002's comic on:


Tags #moneybags magazine, #ask employees, #claims are true, #cover story

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Dogbert is sitting at a desk. Bob the Dinosaur approaches and says, "The reporter from Moneybags Magazine is here." Dogbert responds, "Send him in." The reporter sits across from Dogbert. Dogbert asks, "Are you planning to ask my employees if my claims are true?" The reporter replies, "Nah, too lazy." Dogbert says, "I credit my success to the foot massages I personally give to each employee." The reporter takes notes and thinks to himself, "Cover story!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 2003's comic on:


Tags #project, #falling death spiral, #selfish weasels, #mood altering, #doctor is better

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Dilbert points to a slide, "My project is in a flaming death spiral, thanks to you lazy, selfish weasels." Dilbert continues, "But I'm feeling terrific because I'm taking mood-altering prescription drugs!" Dilbert continues, "I can see by your expressions that my doctor is much better than yours!" He points fingers from both hands and exclaims, "Hoo-wah!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 2004's comic on:


Tags #carol away, #sexist commentray, #mis interpret, #copy machine, #name calling, #accidental, #insulted, #anger, #scream, #satisfied

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"My secretary is off, and I need to make copies of this..." "Oh, I get it! You immediately ask the only woman in the department to do it! #!%**$!!" "Lazy #!%*$*!!#" "I was going to ask where the copy machine is, but this works, too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 2005's comic on:


Tags #seminar, #difficult cowrokers, #groups, #quit job, #syndicated cartoonist

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Welcome to my seminar on dealing with difficult coworkers. "Difficult coworkers generally fall into one of these groups." LAZY MEAN SMART CRAZY "The only way to deal with them is to quit your job and become a syndicated cartoonist." "Thanks for coming."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2006's comic on:


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I'm too busy to learn anything about the projects I'm managing. "I barely have enough time to make critical decisions about them." "Maybe you're lazy and stupid." "Let's go down to the pond and throw rocks at the ducks."