Search Results for "work ethic"
Share March 17, 2014's comic on:
Catbert: I'm going to brainwash you to believe company profits are more important than your health. It's called "employee engagement," and it will make you work 12-hour days while thinking you enjoy every minute of it. Dilbert: Can I just work for money? Catbert: Why are you being a jerk about this?
Share March 21, 2014's comic on:
Wally: You should let me work at home a few days per week because studies show that telecommuters put in more hours. Boss: How do they study that sort of thing? Wally: They survey people who work at home. Boss: What if those people are lying weasels? Wally: I wasn't counting on this level of awareness.
Share April 01, 2014's comic on:
Wally: The universe is full of dark matter, quantum strangeness, and hidden dimensions. In such a universe, can we really know whether or not I did my assignment? Dilbert: How'd the new excuse work out? Wally: It did well in the A-B test against "You never told me to do that."
Share May 02, 2014's comic on:
Wally: My project is coming along great. Everything is on time and under budget. Boss: Do you really expect me to believe that everything you're working on is going smoothly? Wally: No, but apparently you believe I work, and I didn't see that coming either.
Share May 05, 2014's comic on:
Boss: Our CEO has asked each of us to donate 1% of our work time to a charitable cause. Dilbert: Last week you told us to give 110% to our work. Does this mean we can back off to 109%? Boss: No, you should give 110% to everything you do. Dilbert: Maybe my charitable cause could be helping you learn math.
Share May 06, 2014's comic on:
Wally: Last week, I did my corporate charity work by teaching unemployed people how to interview for jobs. Boss: Don't they also need job skills? Wally: Nah. I taught them how to look busy. Boss: No boss will be fooled by that. Wally: Do you believe I trained unemployed people last week?
Share June 08, 2014's comic on:
Dilbert: What's your son doing here? Coworker: Today is 'Bring Your Kid To The Cesspool Day." The idea is to show kids how horrible it is to work in an office. That way, they can make better choices and avoid a life like ours. Dilbert: Just out of curiosity, who told you this is "Bring Your Kid To The Cesspool Day?" Coworker: Wally. Oh. Child: I've decided to become a career criminal. Dilbert: Good luck with all of that.
Share July 08, 2014's comic on:
Boss: You have a bad attitude lately. Alice: You made me work 70 hours this week. If you want people who work for free and are happy about it, hire the insane. Boss: I tried that, but I got the wrong kind. Alice: I'll whistle a happy tune if you go away.
Share July 09, 2014's comic on:
Boss: I wonder why everyone is in a bad mood lately. Catbert: Maybe they have personal problems. Boss: How could they have time for personal problems when I work them 70 hours a week? Catbert: Then I don't know what it is.
Share July 10, 2014's comic on:
Wally: We need a "growth hacker" for our web apps. I think I'd be perfect for that job. Boss: I've heard of growth hackers, but I have no idea what they do all day. You could do nothing and I wouldn't know the difference. Wally: And I could work from home.