Search Results for "CEO"

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Estimating Software Completion

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Estimating Software Completion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 2017's comic on:


Tags #estimate, #deadline, #questioning, #delay, #prediction

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Boss: When will the next version of the software be done? Dilbert: That's like asking me to estimate how long it takes a salamander to evolve into a horse. Boss: So... what should I tell our CEO? Dilbert: Try the salamander analogy. It worked on you.

Management Fast Track

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Management Fast Track - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 17, 2017's comic on:


Tags #talent, #management, #potential, #frustration

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Boss: Dilbert, our CEO asked me to put you on the management fast track. Dilbert: Why does he hate me so much? Boss: He didn't say, but I have a lot of guesses if you want to hear them.

Wally's Sleep Vr

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Wally's Sleep Vr - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2017's comic on:


Tags #vr, #virtual reality, #sleeping, #nap, #deception, #technology

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Wally: I wrote a VR program that creates the illusion you are asleep. Watch me demonstrate. ZZZZZ. CEO: How long should I watch?

One Small Mistake Is Doom

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One Small Mistake Is Doom  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 2017's comic on:


Tags #nervous, #Advice, #fear, #anxiety, #public speaking, #presentation

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Asok: Do you have any advice for my presentation to the CEO? Dilbert: Sure. If you make one small mistake, your career will be finished. Asok: You just made me nervous and thus doubled my risk of failure. Dilbert: I'm not the one who brought it up.

Imagine He Is Naked

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Imagine He Is Naked  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 2017's comic on:


Tags #public speaking, #presentation, #Advice, #nervous, #naked, #fear

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Asok: Do you have any tips for my presentation to the CEO? Boss: When you are presenting, imagine you are naked and everyone is laughing at you. Asok: Why? Boss: It's just something I read. I might have the details wrong.

Alice Helps Asok With Slides

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Alice Helps Asok With Slides  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 2017's comic on:


Tags #presentation, #public speaking, #powerpoint, #slide, #Advice, #speech

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Asok: Can you help me edit my slides for my CEO presentation? I have 75 slides and ten minutes to present. Alice: Get rid of 74 of them. Asok: I'll ask someone else.

Can We Borrow An Apron

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Can We Borrow An Apron  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 04, 2017's comic on:


Tags #pr, #public relations, #appearances, #homeless, #soup kitchen, #shelter

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Dogbert: We're here to get a photo of my client serving food to the homeless. Man: We don't need any help. Dogbert: In that case, can we borrow an apron and a spoon? Man: Um... I guess so. Dogbert: And can you wipe some gruel on the apron?

If We Are Off By One Percent

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If We Are Off By One Percent - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 2017's comic on:


Tags #projection, #prediction, #finances, #big business, #guess, #estimate, #obliviousness

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Dilbert: According to my highly unreliable forecast, we're on the right track. But if even one of my seventeen assumptions is off by one percent, we are doomed. The obvious conclusion is that... Board: We're nailing it!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #add code, #corporate scamming, #darkest day, #designed new prodcut, #draft apology, #engineering success, #make unrelaible, #no upgarde, #press release, #ten years

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Dilbert: Ive designed our new product to work flawlessly for up to ten years. CEO: No one will need an upgrade. Thats no good. Add some code to low it down and make it unreliable after two years. CEO: But make sure the device doesn't slow down until we have an upgrade to sell. Then draft an apology I can put un a press realize when we get caught. Dilbert: You have turned my engineering success into the darkest day of my career. CEO: Thats not even close to being true. Your darkest day will be when the press figures out what we did and I fore you for it.