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The layoffs will be handled in the most human way possible.

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"Here's your 'buzzword bingo' card for the meeting." "If the boss uses a buzzword on your card, you check it off. The objective is to fill a row." "You're all very attentive today. My proactive leadership must be working!" "Bingo, sir."

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We've reached a new low in the 'potluck lunch' sign-up.

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"Shhh." "We were just talking about you, sir...in glowing terms." "He's a flaming idiot." "One stick of dynamite - it's al I ask."

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You've completely eliminated the budget for technical training!

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"According to you, if I cut your budget the world will abruptly stop spinning and we'll be flung into space." "Whereas, the risk of cutting Dilbert's project is '...a plage of locusts o'er the land.'" "I'll cut both projects. With any luck, we'll fling the locusts into space." "Locusts. Real good."

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"Here's your employee locator device." "Sensors in the building will be able to track you at all times." "We'll know how many times you use the restroom and how long." "It's a dog collar...the final humiliation." "Once you got used to working in cubicles like gerbils, we knew anything was possible." "My conformance rationalization mechanisms are kicking in." "It's not so bad. A collar is simply an efficient design. Everyone is doing it." "It's not so bad." "It's powered by this six foot long extension cord."

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I just read this great book about how to 'reengineer' our business processes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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