Search Results for "budget"
Share February 22, 1999's comic on:
The boss introduces a new man to Dilbert. The boss says, "Dilbert, meet our new sacrifial lamb." The boss says, "I filled our headcount vacancy so we have someone to dump after the next budget cut." The lamb says, "Should we shake hands?" The boss says, "I don't want to get attached."
Share February 23, 1999's comic on:
Allen (aka the sacrificial lamb) stands in the boss' office. The boss says, "Allen, I have to cut the salary budget. I probaly shouldn't have hired you yesterday." The boss says, "Luckily, I have extra money in the furniture budget." Allan rest on all fours with a lamp on his back. allan thinks, "As God is my witness, someday I will be a credenza."
Share March 24, 1999's comic on:
Wally walks by Carol's cubicle. Carol says, "Wally, what's your project budget code?" Wally says, "E473" Carol says, "I'm switching you to E947, effective immediatly." Wally says, "Why?" Carol says, "That's my new code for bald engineers." Wally says, "It will grow back."
Share April 06, 1999's comic on:
The boss says to Asok, "Asok, I've chosen you to put our budget forecast together." The boss says, "It's a hard job but you'll get the satisfaction of making everyone hate your tiny guts." Asok walks away and thinks, "My guts are not tiny."
Share April 07, 1999's comic on:
Caption "The budget cycle" Wally and Asok sit at a conference table. Wally reads of a piece of paper and says, "And i'll need a helicopter, double rotor." Asok says, "If you have any resoect for me or the budget process, you will not ask for such obvious budget padding." Wally says, "And I'll need that chopper filled with Albino tiger cubs."
Share April 10, 1999's comic on:
The boss, wally and Asok sit at the conference table with papers in front of them. The boss says, "I downsised the "ease of use" lab because there's no budget for a staff." Asok grabs one of the paper and shows it the the boss. ASok says, "They HAVE a buget. I put it on the back of these two-sided photocopies!" The boss says, "Well, they lived by the sword, and they died by the sword."
Share April 27, 1999's comic on:
The boss stick his head into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Do you have those budget numbers from last months?" Dilbert says, "They're totally innaccurate." The boss says, "I know but those are the only numbers we have." Dilbert says, "Actually we have infinite inaccurate numbers to choose from." The boss says, "Let's keep those in our back pocket in case we need them." Dilbert says, "I'll encrypt them so no one else can use them."
Share September 06, 1999's comic on:
The boss says, to Dilbert, "Move our budget system onto the under-utilized mainframe." Dilbert says, "It's under-utilized because it's obsolete." Dilbert thinks, "Reality versus mangement; who shall be the victor?"
Share October 11, 1999's comic on:
The Boss reads a report, and says to Dilbert, "Your project is twenty percent over budget and two months late." Dilbert says, "That's because you bungled the allocation of resources." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Bosses hate the word 'bungled'."
Share October 19, 1999's comic on:
The Boss says to Alice, who is seated in her cubicle, "Every department was asked how it could reduce its budget by ten percent." The Boss says, "Your project is vital to the future of the company, so I cleverly offered to eliminate it, knowing they couldn't accept." The Boss says, "Now this is the funny part..."