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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 03, 1997's comic on:


Tags #misuse of analogies, #dressed odd, #casual day, #frightening outifit, #bicycle pants

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Asok says, "Are you sure this is where I report the misuse of analogies. You're dressed very odd." Phil says, "It's casual day." He's the former ruler of Heck and is dressed in a devil suit.l Asok says, "That's the most frightening outfit I've ever seen." Phil says, "You haven't seen my bicycle pants."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 1992's comic on:


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Two men shove each other as they enter "Dogbert's School for Jerks." Dogbert stands on a stool and says, "We'll begin by sorting you into the three major jerk categories for specialized instruction." Dogbert holds up a photo and says, "Look at this picture of supermodel Cindy Crawford." A man in the audience says, "Whoa! Hubba! Snort!" Dogbert says, "Anybody who said 'hubba,' stand over there. You are what is called 'jerks around women.'" Dogbert tosses a ball into the audience and says, "Now, somebody catch this ball, please." Someone yells, "Foul! You fouled!" Dogbert says, "Anybody who yelled 'foul' is a 'sports jerk.' Stand over there." A man says, "It WAS a foul." Dogbert says, "So, whoever is left must be . . ." A woman wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase says, "Hurry up. I'm late for court." The man next to her asks, "You're a lawyer too?" Another man says, "I was going to say 'hubba.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 08, 1998's comic on:


Tags #consulting form, #bushel, #money, #twenty hours of work, #good reasons, #clients, #travel

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Ratbert sits on top of a dresser. A man in a suit stands holdinga basket full of dollar bills. The man says, "Come work for our consulting firm and you will get this bushel of money." The man says, "All we want in return is twenty hours of work each day..." The man says, "...With clients who hate you for a variety of good reasons." Ratbert says, "At least there's no travel right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 1998's comic on:


Tags #newest hore, #team member, #headless suit, #meetings, #never fire, #bad decsion, #head is in jar

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The Boss stands with his arm around a headless man. Alice sits at her computer. The Boss says, "Alice, meet the newest member of our team." The Boss says, "I hired him myself. That means I can never fire him; it would look like I made a bad decision." The Boss says, "Microsoft hired his head. It's in a jar in Redmond." Alice says, "And we got the part that goes to meetings."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 1998's comic on:


Tags #new cfo, #babbling idiot, #offcie, #dilbert questions

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The moron in messy suit stands in Dilbert's cubicle. The moron says, "Then we need tp PV the DCF and get the ROI to the EOC ASAP." Dilbert says, "Are you our new CFO or a babbling idiot who just happened to wander by?" The moron says, "Which one pays more?" Dilbert thinks, "The mystery deepens."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 1995's comic on:


Tags #job interview, #resume, #impressive, #biggest fault, #work too hard, #forget to eat, #bathe, #die as desk, #bloted, #stinking corpse, #someone hungrier

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Dilbert walks down the hall wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase. Wally says, "Looks like somebody has a job interview." Dilbert says, "Shh." Dilbert sits across from a desk. The interviewer says, "Your resume is impressive. I only have one question." The interviewer asks, "What do you consider your biggest fault?" Dilbert replies, "Sometimes I work too hard." He thinks to himself, "Good one." The interviewer asks, "Why is that a fault?" Dilbert replies, "Well . . . Uh . . . I work so hard that I forget to eat and bathe for days. Eventually I starve to death at my desk." Dilbert lies down on the chair and continues, "I become a bloated, stinking corpse. Insects breed in my body. I spread disease to the entire company." Wally asks Dilbert, "How did it go?" Dilbert replies, "They want somebody hungrier."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 01, 1995's comic on:


Tags #desired salary, #million dollars, #how much expected, #misleading, #salary, #fantasy layered, #little shoulder massge, #15 %, #money

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Dilbert wears a suit and holds a briefcase. He says, "Wish me luck, Dogbert." Dogbert asks, "If you get more luck, wouldn't there be less luck available for me?" A woman at a desk looks at Dilbert's application and says, "For 'desired salary' you wrote 'one million dollars.'" Dilbert says, "Yes, thanks for asking." The woman says, "Perhaps the question is misleading. The application should have asked what salary you EXPECT." Dilbert replies, "Oh . . . Well, I expect you'll hire somebody more qualified and my salary will remain unchanged." The woman says, "No, too honest. I'm looking for something CLOSE to reality, with maybe twenty-percent fantasy layered on top." Dilbert replies, "Okay . . . I'd like a fifteen-percent raise and a little shoulder massage." Back at home, Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Why does it seem that I'm the only honest guy on earth?" Dogbert replies, "Your type tends not to reproduce."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 2000's comic on:


Tags #can't lift arms, #employees work harder, #motivated, #uncomfortable clothes, #casual dress days

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Catbert says to Wally, "There will be no more Casual Dress Days." Catbert says to Wally, "We believe that employees work harder when they are wearing uncomfortable clothes." Dilbert is wearing a spacesuit. Wally, sitting in front of a computer and wearing a suit of armor, says to Dilbert, "I feel all motivated but I can't lift my arms."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 2001's comic on:


Tags #sould, #alice, #manager, #claim ticket, #demoted, #play sax

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A little cloud hovers near Alice and says, "Hello, Alice. I'm your soul." Alice looks alarmed as a hand reaches for the cloud. The cloud says, "You're a manager now; You won't be needing me." A man in a devil suit holds the cloud, hands Alice a small piece of paper and says to her, "Here's a claim ticket in case you get demoted or learn to play sax."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 2001's comic on:


Tags #growing into job, #accelerated evolution, #progarm, #million years, #two day classes, #lose fire, #opposable thimbs

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The Boss sits at his desk with his hands crossed. He says, "Monty. You're not growing into your job as quickly as I hoped." Monty, a monkey in a suit, stands opposite from The Boss, looking grim. The Boss' voice continues, "So I signed you up for an accelerated evolution program. They pack a million years into a two-day class." Dogbert stands in front of a blackboard atop a stool and yells to Monty and the monkey behind him as they enter the classroom. He says authoritatively, "Hurry up! We've already lost the opposable thumbs module; let's not lose fire too."