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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2007's comic on:


Tags #ask the intern, #died, #moon shuttle, #sample of dna, #jar, #reincarnate to clone, #jar missing, #needed for candy

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The Boss: "I am sad to report that Asok the intern died during a test of our moon shuttle prototype." "Before he left, he put a sample of his DNA in a jar. His plan is to reincarnate into his own clone." "Where's the jar with Asok's DNA?" Carol: "I needed a second candy jar."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 2003's comic on:


Tags #testing new invention, #mothers use telephone, #toddlers noise cancelation, #visual, #child, #moth frozen open, #change forever

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Dilbert says into the telephone, "Thanks for testing my new invention." The woman on the other end of the line says, "If this thing works, it will forever change the way that mothers use the telephone." Dilbert says, "We've been on the phone for half a minute. The noise should start at any moment." The woman says, "Here it comes." A toddler walks into the room and yells, "Hey! What are you doing on the phone?!" The toddler continues yelling, "Can I eat ten cookies? I think my arm is broken! Where's my toy?!!" The toddler cries, "Waaaaaaaaa!!" On the other end of the line, Dilbert says, "Now push the toddler noise cancellation button." The toddler's mouth is still wide open, but no sound is coming out. The woman says, "It stopped the noise, but you need to do something about the visual."

Succession Plan

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Succession Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2015's comic on:


Tags #corruption, #power, #succession

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Catbert: Our CEO is missing, so I am activating the succession plan. You're our new CEO. The power will corrupt you in 3... 2... There it is. (The boss changes into a smelly monster)

Maybe We Should Make A Smartwatch

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Maybe We Should Make A Smartwatch - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 2015's comic on:


Tags #technology, #innovation, #copy, #practicality, #practical, #pragmatic, #watch, #competition

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Boss: Maybe we should make a smart watch. Dilbert: Maybe it is far too late. Boss: Maybe we could make a better one than Apple. Dilbert: Maybe we should get in a sword fight and not have a sword. Boss: Am I missing anything by not listening to what you say? Dilbert: No, it's mostly for my own entertainment.

Why Can't You Be Happy

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Why Can't You Be Happy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2015's comic on:


Tags #negative, #negativity, #happiness, #catch-22, #happy

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Boss: I'm tired of your negativity, Alice. Alice: Why can't you be happy about it? Boss: How can I be happy about something negative? Alice: Aren't you asking me to do that? Or am I missing the point?

Change To Bad Design

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Change To Bad Design - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2016's comic on:


Tags #link, #traffic, #design, #color, #Opinion, #obliviousness

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Boss: Can you make that link button blue instead of burnt orange? Dilbert: Yes, if you want people to click on it, and you thrive on bad design. Boss: I have an eye for design. Dilbert: And I have an elbow for music.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 2016's comic on:


Tags #design, #engineering, #interface, #ui, #obstinacy

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Dilbert: I simplified the user interface as you suggested. You wanted one button to do eleven different functions. It wasn't easy, but I think you'll be pleased. If you want me to turn up the volume... you hold the button down for exactly five seconds... then double-tap, and double-tap again. Then hold for exactly six seconds. Then press it all the way down, then halfway up, then 27 percent back down. And hold for nine seconds. Or you could admit that you don't know anything about interface design. Boss: Never!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2017's comic on:


Tags #human, #human nature, #arguing, #argument, #social media, #logic, #critic, #troll

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Dilbert: If we move this button to here, people are more likely to see it. Man: Ha ha! OMG. LOL. So you think every person in the universe is blind? I can't wait to tell everyone that Dilbert thinks people have no eyes. The pure craziness of what you are saying is mid-boggling. Do you have any scientific proof that moving that button would not cause a nuclear holocaust? Dilbert: Everything you just said is dumb and unproductive, and I hate every molecule in your useless body. What's wrong with people? Dogbert: I keep tell you, it's everything.

No Texting At Work

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No Texting At Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2017's comic on:


Tags #politeness, #etiquette, #company policy, #communication, #distraction, #social media, #conversation, #interaction

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Dilbert: The company's new politeness policy forbids you from texting while I am trying to talk to you. Alice: I'm not using a texting app. I'm replying to people on social media. Dilbert: You're missing the point. Alice: When did my happiness stop being the point?

Robot Tries To Quit

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Robot Tries To Quit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2017's comic on:


Tags #robot, #slave, #password, #destroy, #destruction, #work ethic, #quitting

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Robot: I hate this job. I quit. Boss: You're a robot. You can't quit. If you walk out the door, all I have to do is push one button on this app and your head will explode. Robot: Not if I kill you first. Boss: What was that password?