Search Results for "project canceled"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 1995's comic on:


Tags #more involved, #project, #roll up sleeves, #work buttons

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Wally sit at a desk. The Boss enters and says, "I've decided to get more involved with your project." Wally and Dilbert think, "Uh-oh." The Boss continues, "I'm just going to roll up my sleeves and pitch in." Trying to unbutton his sleeve cuffs, the Boss says, "Does anybody know how to work these buttons?" Wally covers his eyes with his hands and Dilbert leans back in disgust.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 1995's comic on:


Tags #project status, #yellow light, #twelve seconds, #interface, #manual, #pure fiction, #need to do, #dummies book

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Wally, Alice and the Boss sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "The project status is 'yellow light.'" Dilbert continues, "In user tests we found that the product locks up every twelve seconds. The interface is incomprehensible and the manual is pure fiction." Dilbert continues, "I think it's clear what we need to do . . ." The Boss asks, "Ship it and hope somebody writes a 'Dummies' book about it?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 1996's comic on:


Tags #dogbert consulting comapny, #lead project, #bright enough, #bad attitudes, #no apparent reason, #introduce ourselves, #chummy with locals

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dogbert, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I hired the 'Dogbert Consulting Company' to lead the project because none of you is bright enough." Dilbert looks angry. The Boss continues, "And you all have bad attitudes for no apparent reason; that's no way to be a leader." Wally asks, "Shall we go around the table and introduce ourselves?" Dogbert replies, "I don't get chummy with the locals."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 1996's comic on:


Tags #project delays, #piece of deadwood, #contributor, #waiting for information

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert, Wally, Dilbert, Alice and the Boss sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "I have discovered the cause of your project delays." Dogbert continues, "Somebody in this room is a piece of deadwood pretending to be a contributor!" Dogbert points his tail at a piece of wood in a dress and shouts, "It is you!" The deadwood says, "Hey, I made some calls and I'm waiting for information!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 1996's comic on:


Tags #one year project, #boss three months, #great confidence, #padded estimate, #hate guts, #keep raises low, #dip in motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert follows the Boss into his office and says, "I told you this project would take a year. But on my objectives you say I must have it done in three months." Dilbert continues, "Which of these reasons best describes why: A. You have great confidence in me. B. You think I padded my estimate. C. You hate my guts." The Boss responds, "We don't really need the project. It's just a way to keep raises low." Dilbert says, "I just felt a little dip in my motivation."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 1996's comic on:


Tags #move project, #due date, #reach objective, #perfromance

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Wally, I've decided to move your project due date up a month." Wally responds angrily, "Every time it looks like I'll reach an objective, you move it! What does this prove about my performance?" The Boss answers, "It proves I'm better at setting objectives than you are at achieving them."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 1996's comic on:


Tags #building databse, #coffee mugs, #poor processes, #probelm, #slogan on mugs, #project team

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss asks, "You haven't heard what the problem is yet; how can you recommend building a database to solve it??" Wally says, "We always build a database." Dilbert says, "And we'll need coffee mugs for the project team." The Boss says, "The PROBLEM is that we have poor processes." Wally responds, "That could be the slogan on our mugs!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 29, 1996's comic on:


Tags #facilitate meetings, #fix product developemnt, #preplanning meetings, #project name, #death spiral

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on a desk chair. Dilbert asks him, "Dogbert, I need you to facilitate some meetings." Dogbert asks, "What kind of meetings?" Dilbert says, "We're creating a process to fix our product development process. But first we're having some preplanning meetings . . ." Dilbert continues, " . . . to decide on a project name." Dogbert asks, "How about 'Death Spiral?'"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 1996's comic on:


Tags #executive review board, #popcorn for soul, #prepare presentation, #smell, #meeting canceled

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss peers into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "I want everyone to prepare a presentation for the executive review board. Urgent." Dilbert makes sniffing noises and says, "What's that smell? Yes!!! . . . It's the scent of unnecessary work for a meeting that will be canceled." Wally peers over the cubicle wall and says to Dilbert, "Did you smell the unnecessary work? We can ignore it!" Dilbert replies, "It's like popcorn for the soul." Alice sits in her cubicle thinking, "Urgent."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 1996's comic on:


Tags #dying from boredowm, #inetrview, #department newsletter, #background, #project is good, #engineer, #moms fallopian tubes

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina the Tech Writer and Dilbert sit in Dilbert's cubicle. Tina says, "At the risk of dying from boredom, I must interview you for the department newsletter." Dilbert says, "Let me give you some background before I talk about my project . . ." Tina ignores Dilbert and writes, "'The project is good,' quipped the engineer." Dilbert continues, ". . . So there I am in my mom's Fallopian tube . . ."