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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dogbert's speakers bureau "I booked you to do the keynote speech for a big company." "They need a speaker who is so boring and uninspiring that their CEO's humorous skit seems less soul-crushing." "How large is the audience?" "1,500 victims."

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"According to my Soul-o-Meter, you still have 1% of your soul." "I'll give you a doughnut for it." "Sold." "It's funny how quickly a good day can become a great day."

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My soul-o-meter is picking up a reincarnated soul. It looks like you had several previous lives. "I'll cauterize your head so your soul stays in your dead body next time." zzzt!!! "Because I can."

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Tags #work ethic, #meetings

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Boss: Execution is a game of inches! You miss 100% of the shots you don't take! Innovation is everyone's full-time job! Be the dog, not the tail! Excellence is the only market that isn't crowded! Why don't any of you look inspired by my leadership? Wally: I died on the inside years ago. Now I'm just a fleshy container full of coffee and resentment. This guy was born without a soul. The she-devil at the end is the chemical formula for hatred. Catbert: Did you get through to them? Boss: I drilled until I hit bile.

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"The Dogbert gazette is doing a story on your firing of an employee for posting a comic on the wall." "I need some quotes that support my thesis of you being a humorless stain on the soul of humanity." "Would oyu say you worship satan, or do you simply respect his nonsense approach to discipline?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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That's my plan. Now I'd like to open the floor to your soul-crushing negativity. "You have written humanity's final chapter!" "Darkness stalks us!" "I'll never know love!" "Anticipating it didn't help."

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My pessimistic coworkers have crushed my soul. Now I am nothing but meat with clothes. "You can regain your soul by volunteering to help the less fortunate." "Who is less fortunate than me?" "Anyone you date."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I look different from my online picture because it was taken before my coworkers crushed my soul." "Would you like to hear an endless series of stories about a coworker you don't know?" "okay." "Really? Gee, you must have some huge defects of your own." "I don't deserve to be happy!"

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"The world's smartest garbage man says I need to help someone less fortunate to regain my soul." "Don't look at me. I'm happier than a tickled clam." "I brought you some flowers, dead person." "I don't need 'em I'm good."

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources "is there a company sponsored program for regrowing my lost soul?" "No, but I'd be happy to bat your dried-up head until it snaps off." "I have trouble saying no to free stuff."