Search Results for "strategic plan"
Share October 10, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert stands in front of an overhead projector discussing "Strategic Alliance Issues." Dilbert says, "Issue one: Our two companies have very different corporate cultures." A man with a goatee sits at the conference table working on a laptop. A woman with spiked hair sits next to him. The man says, "While you were droning I slammed out some beta code and put it on the Internet for comments." Dilbert says, "My company prefers to have that kind of decision made by uninformed executives. We call it 'empowerment.'" The man replies, "I'll mention that in the press release."
Share October 11, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert stands in front of an overhead projector and points at a skull and crossbones diagram. Dilbert says, "The status of our strategic alliance is 'doomed.'" Dilbert continues while the Boss listens, "Our ponderous and inefficient management style caused their best people to quit and create a competing company." The Boss says, "We must find a way to destroy that new company." Dilbert replies, "I'll see if they're interested in a strategic alliance."
Share October 14, 1996's comic on:
The Boss says, "Alice, I'm putting you in charge of developing our booth for the big trade show." The Boss says, "I picked you because the males in the department have disqualified themselves through a process of strategic incompetence." Alice asks Dilbert, "What is strategic incompetence?" Dilbert replies, "I had that written down someplace, but I lost it."
Share December 07, 1996's comic on:
The Boss tells Ratbert, "You're being downsized, Ratbert. Fortunately, there's a generous retirement plan." The Boss continues, "Let's see . . . For your length of employment, at your grade level . . . You will get a wall calendar." Ratbert asks, "When do I get it?" The Boss says as he walks away, "As soon as I'm done with it."
Share February 28, 1997's comic on:
Dogbert stands on the Boss's desk and says, "Dilbert asked me to speak to you about the project plan you created without his input." Dogbert screams, "It's impossible, you arrogant baboon!!!" Dogbert continues, "Lean over here so I can slap you." The Boss says, "I'm having flashbacks to my honeymoon."
Share March 26, 1997's comic on:
The Boss sits at his desk and says, "We plan too much. From now on we'll have a bias for action." The Boss tells Asok and Wally, "I want posters that proclaim our commitment to action. And I want them soon!" The Boss reads a poster, "'Measure once. Cut twice.' I like it." Wally tells Asok, "Told you."
Share April 25, 1997's comic on:
Wally tells Dilbert, "Good news! Our business plan is in complete disarray!" Wally shouts, "Free time!! No deliverables!!! And it's not OUR fault!" Dilbert shouts, "Yippee!!" They celebrate. Dilbert asks, "Do you realize that all our joy comes from perverse sources?" Wally replies, "I didn't know there was an alternative."
Share April 26, 1997's comic on:
Wally stands behind Alice's desk and says, "Alice, our business plan is in complete disarray so we're taking a three-hour lunch. Want to join us?" Alice replies, "No, I've got to work harder than ever to turn this situation around!" Wally and Dilbert put their coats on and leave. Wally tells Dilbert, "Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between dedication and insanity." Dilbert asks, "Which one are we?"
Share February 04, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert stadns in front of the Boss who is sitting at his desk. Dilbert says, "I'd like to talk about my career path." The Boss says, "Okay." The Boss says, "My plan is to work you until your health deteriorates and your skills are obsolete. Then we'll downsize you." Dilbert holds his stomach and says, "I'm ill." The Boss says, "Really? I've never had a plan work this fast before."
Share February 16, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert and Alice are talking in the hall over a cup of coffee. Bob walks up holding a box of his office supplies and says, "I've been chosen for the industrial espionage program." Bob gets an evil look on his face and says, "The plan is that I quit this job and go work for our competitor. Every week I'll send back secret reports." Alice says, "Bob, this is how we fire dumb people." Bob turns to go and says, "That's why it's the perfect cover."