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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 04, 1997's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #lord, #master, #worthless cretin, #telemarketing, #voice mail

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Dogbert and Dilbert sit on the couch. Dogbert dials a number on the telephone. Dogbert says, "I am Dogbert, your lord and master! Submit to my will, you worthless cretin!" Dilbert uses the remote control to change the TV channel. Dilbert asks, "Does telemarketing work for that sort of thing?" Dogbert replies, "You'll know tomorrow; that was your voice mail."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 1997's comic on:


Tags #incredibly sexy, #fuzzy guy, #dogebrt, #dillbert, #in touch with feelings, #make me doubt, #scientific methid

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Dogbert stands with the cute girl. Dilbert wears a jogging suit. The girls says, "Wow. you're an incredibly sexy man. It's too bad I met this little fuzzy guy first." The girls says, "But looks aren't everything. Studies show that women want a man who is in touch with his feelings." Dilbert raises his eye brows. Dilbert screams, "I hate my life!!" The girls says, "Gee. That's enough to make me doubt the scientific method."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 1998's comic on:


Tags #dogbert the supermodel, #lingerie shoot, #short round guy, #black socks, #ice

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The ugly lady with the fashionably outdated glasses is wearing a toga and sandals. She hands Dogbert a pair of black dress socks and says, "Your first assignment is a lingerie shoot. You'll be wearing black socks." Dogbert has a lump of silly putty on his head as a 'beauty tumor.' The woman says, "There's nothing sexier than a short round guy in black socks." Dogbert sits on a table or block. Dogbert, wearing the dress socks, looks at himself in a hand mirror and wags his tail. He says, "Wow! This works!" Heat is rising off the ugly woman and she says, "Quick! Get me a big block of ice to sit on!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 1998's comic on:


Tags #industrial espionage program, #secret reports, #plan, #fire dumb people, #perfect cover

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Dilbert and Alice are talking in the hall over a cup of coffee. Bob walks up holding a box of his office supplies and says, "I've been chosen for the industrial espionage program." Bob gets an evil look on his face and says, "The plan is that I quit this job and go work for our competitor. Every week I'll send back secret reports." Alice says, "Bob, this is how we fire dumb people." Bob turns to go and says, "That's why it's the perfect cover."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 1998's comic on:


Tags #new guy, #looks smarter, #look dumber, #ooga

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As Alice is working, a man comes up and says, "Alice, I'm the new guy. I look smarter than the people who already work here." Man's appearance starts to change. His body looks more prehistoric. He says, "As you get to know me, I'll look dumber and dumber." Man looks like a prehistoric man with a huge forehead now. Alice says, "That was fast." Man says, "Ooga."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 1998's comic on:


Tags #dogebrts tech support, #email, #tech support guy, #classical music, #mister radio

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Caption: Dogbert's Tech Support Tech Support guy talking on phone with Dogbert. Tech Support guy says, "I don't know how to use my e-mail." While sitting at his computer, responds, "You need to upgrade your I.Q. a few points. Try listening to classical music." Tech Support guy stares at radio with arms folded and thinks, "My old nemesis, Mister radio, we meet again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 1998's comic on:


Tags #sales man, #vendor, #offcie, #fake personality, #buy stuff, #blue things, #so dumb

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Dilbert sits at a conference table with a salesperson. Dilbert says, "...And we'll buy a dozen of these. We're trying to spend our budget so it doesn't get cut next year." The salesperson says, "This is great! You guys are so dumb that I don't even have to use my fake personality to make the sale!" Dilbert says, "...And nine of these blue things." Salesperson turns away and pulls his pants down. The salesperson says, "There's a full moon on the horizon!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 1998's comic on:


Tags #worthless employee, #newspapaer artcicles, #routes them around, #articles relevant, #more work, #third stall

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Wally sit at his computer. Ted holds a piece of newsprint. Ted says, "I'm a worthless employee who cuts out newspaper articles and routes them around." Ted hands Wally the article. Ted says, "I used to make sure the articles were relevant, but that was more work that it was worth." Wally says, "I saw this already." Ted says, "It's from your paper. You always leave it in the third stall."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 1998's comic on:


Tags #vendor, #vast tagalongs, #prodcut, #didn't bring guy

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Meeting the Vendor Vendor: Im Larry And these people are my vast array of unnecessary tag alongs, Dilbert: What does your product do? Larry: We didn't bring the guy who knows that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 1998's comic on:


Tags #worthless manager, #project reveiwed, #marking done

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Dilbert and the worthless manager sit at a table with piece of paper between them. Dilbert says, "At this phase, the project will be reviewed by a worthless manager." The worthless manager says, "Hee-hee! I wonder if he knows what people say about him." Dilbert writes on the paper. The worthless manager says, "Why are marking it 'done'? Did you decide to skip that phase?"