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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 31, 1997's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #boss approval, #mixed messages, #staus report

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The Boss stands behind Alice's desk and says, "Alice, I understand you had a conversation with my boss without my approval." The Boss continues, "We don't want to give mixed messages. It would be very bad if she got any mixed messages." Alice says, "I just gave her an honest status report." The Boss screams and yells, "Mixed messages!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 1997's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #clone boss, #email message, #no knowledge, #perspective, #possible, #no experience

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Dilbert tells Wally, "Someday it will be possible to clone or boss." Wally replies, "But the clone would have no experience and no knowledge." The Boss tells them, "I just sent an e-mail message to Japan. I don't know the language so I took your advice and typed it all in caps." Dilbert says, "Wow. That put it all in perspective."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 1997's comic on:


Tags #alice, #boss, #give presentation, #technology, #trade show, #wiggle room, #for or against

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The Boss stands behind Alice in her cubicle. She sits at a PC. The Boss says, "I've been asked to give a presentation at the trade show." The Boss says, "I'd like you to put that together for me, Alice." Alice asks, "What's your topic?" The Boss replies, "Technology. They didn't say if I'm for it or against it." Alice says, "I'll leave some wiggle room."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 1997's comic on:


Tags #babbled, #boss, #meeting, #appointment, #office, #blah blah, #can't shut up, #business

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Asok the intern sits on a couch and the Boss sits in a chair. Asok holds a paper. The Boss gestures and says, "Blah, blah, blah." Asok thinks, "I only have thirty minutes and he's babbled for twenty-eight." Asok thinks, "It took three weeks to get on his calendar. My only hope is to send esp messages for him to shut up." Asok presses his hands to his temples, shuts his eyes tightly and thinks, "Shut up," over and over. He's sweating. The Boss continues to say, "Blah, blah, blah." Carol, the Boss's secretary, says to Asok, "Nice try, but it's time for his next filibuster."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 1997's comic on:


Tags #agenda, #ubr, #first job, #crash dummies, #spent a fortune, #unfocused boss rambling

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Dilbert passes out paper to The Boss and Wally. The boss has a pencil and Wally has a coffee mug. Dilbert says, "Here's the agenda. The first hour will be U.B.R., as usual." The Boss sits at the conference table with Wally and Alice. He says, "This reminds me of my first job, before crash test dummies were popular. man, I spent a fortune on aspirin." Alice asks Dilbert, who has his feet up on the table, "What exactly is U.B.R.?" Dilbert answers, 'Unfocused Boss Rambling. Only 58 minutes to go."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 1997's comic on:


Tags #perfromance review, #meeting over, #stood up, #boss, #talked about himself, #self centered, #egotistical, #unprofessional

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The Boss stands behind his desk and says to Asok who is seated in front, "...and that's your performance review. Any questions?" Asok the intern says, "You talked about yourself for the full hour. Can we talk about me?" The Boss says, "Okay. YOU don't seem to know that YOUR meeting is over when YOU see me stand up." Asok says, "ooh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 26, 1997's comic on:


Tags #article, #boss, #alice, #highlighted, #save time, #page numbers, #dont notice

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Alice stands at the entrance to her cubicle. The Boss offers her a piece of paper and says, "Alice, I found this article in a magazine." The Boss continues, "I highlighted the most important stuff to save you some time." Alice says, "You highlighted the page numbers." The Boss says, "It takes forever if you don't notice those."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 13, 1997's comic on:


Tags #boss, #down in jet, #minor injuries, #saved by padding, #saved by prayer, #work great, #minor hair injuries, #100 nuns onboard, #nunnery, #not a lot of aerobics

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Alice throws her arms out wide and says, "Work has been great since our Boss went down in the jet!" Dilbert says, "Uh-oh." The Boss walks in, one side of his pointy hair bandaged. Alice and Dilbert are shocked. The Boss says, "I survived with only minor injuries. I was lucky to be on a flight that had a hundredd nuns onboard." Alice says, "You were saved by prayer?" The Boss replies, "No, padding. They don't do a lot of aerobics at the nunnery."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 1997's comic on:


Tags #accident, #ask questions, #bury survivors, #dont embarrass boss, #highly visible, #meetings, #put them in trunk, #promoted

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the couch. Dogbert says, "If you want to be promoted, you have to be highly visible." Dogbert says, "Ask questions at meetings. But make them easy so you don't embarrass your boss." Dilbert is in a meeting with Wally and the Boss. Dilbert says, "...So if there's an accident in a company car, where should we bury the survivors?" The Boss says, "I usually put them in the trunk."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 1997's comic on:


Tags #boss, #doesn't know, #being insulted, #with all due respect, #intangible benefits, #insulting, #monkey face

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Alice says to Wally and Dilbert, "I discoverd that our pointy-haired boss doesn't know he's being insulted if you say, 'With all due respect' first." Wally thinks, "I love the intangible benefits of this job." The Boss is leaving his office. Wally says to him, "With all due respect, is that your face or is a monkey climbing down your shirt headfirst?"