Search Results for "laziness"
Share January 25, 2015's comic on:
Wally: I'm already useless, but I'm thinking about becoming toxic as well. Dilbert: That seems ambitious for you. Wally: Think it through. As a useless person, I still get invited to meetings because I don't cause much trouble. But if I go full-toxic, no one will invite me to meetings in the first place. I can avoid a lot of work by nipping it in the bud. Dilbert: Is it hard to be toxic? How do you do it? Wally: It's easy. All you do is provide incomplete information that makes people anxious and hateful. I can't tell you what was said in that last meeting, but I defended you.
Share February 08, 2015's comic on:
Wally: Can I create my own job? I hear people do that. They figure out what they are good at and then they create a job around it. I'm more of a strategic thinker than a worker bee. My job could be to attend meetings and say strategic things. And, of course, I would have no time to respond to email because I'd be busy being strategic. Boss: It feels as if you want a job that doesn't involve work. Wally: Would you trust a strategic thinker who can't solve his own problems?
Share March 09, 2015's comic on:
Coworker: I noticed you don't do much work. Wally: My philosophy is that there will be plenty of time to work when I'm dead. Coworker: But you won't be here to do it. Wally: I guess you don't know what a perfect system looks like.
Share March 10, 2015's comic on:
Wally: Will you be my mentor? CEO: Yes I will! You are wise to ask because it shows you have the drive to succeed. Wally: Exactly! Boss: Give me one good reason I shouldn't fire you. Wally: My mentor is your boss.
Share March 13, 2015's comic on:
Alice: How's it feel to be the CEO's pet employee? Wally: We call it mentoring. Alice: Has it changed you? Wally: No, but he seems more useless lately. Alice: I guess there's no backflow preventer on mentoring.
Share April 15, 2015's comic on:
CEO: Our Employee Of The Year is Wally, for filing the most patents of any engineer in our history. Dilbert: How many have been granted? CEO: Well, most of them... I assume? Wally: How much coffee does this thing hold?
Share May 07, 2015's comic on:
Wally: You should be celebrating my failures instead of punishing me for them. Failure is the raw material of success. If I am not failing, it means I am not pushing myself hard enough. Boss: Fine. What have you failed at? Wally: I failed to work on my project this month.
Share May 30, 2015's comic on:
Share June 28, 2015's comic on:
Wally: Do you mind if I take Steve Jobs' advice and practice meditation and mindfulness? Science says meditation can reduce stress and make me more productive. And obviously it worked for Steve Jobs, so there's that. To the untrained eye, it will seem as if I am napping. But in reality, I will be quieting my mind to boost creativity. Boss: Meditate on your own time. Wally: Wow. That just stressed me out and shut down my creative juices. Boss: Just do your job! Wally: Because quality doesn't matter?
Share June 22, 2015's comic on:
Wally: I made no progress on your project because I was waiting to ask you some questions. Coworker: You could have emailed me. Or texted me. Or stopped by my desk. Wally: I"m not that invested in your success.