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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"According to my Soul-o-Meter, you still have 1% of your soul." "I'll give you a doughnut for it." "Sold." "It's funny how quickly a good day can become a great day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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My soul-o-meter is picking up a reincarnated soul. It looks like you had several previous lives. "I'll cauterize your head so your soul stays in your dead body next time." zzzt!!! "Because I can."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2012's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #work ethic, #execution, #innovation, #full time job, #excellence, #inspired, #died on inside, #coffee and resentment, #chemical formula for hatred, #drilled employees

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Boss: Execution is a game of inches! You miss 100% of the shots you don't take! Innovation is everyone's full-time job! Be the dog, not the tail! Excellence is the only market that isn't crowded! Why don't any of you look inspired by my leadership? Wally: I died on the inside years ago. Now I'm just a fleshy container full of coffee and resentment. This guy was born without a soul. The she-devil at the end is the chemical formula for hatred. Catbert: Did you get through to them? Boss: I drilled until I hit bile.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 2008's comic on:


Tags #dried up head, #evil director, #free stuff, #hr, #inquiry, #trouble saying no

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Is there a company sponsored program for regrowing my lost soul? CatBert: No, but I'd be happy to bat your dried-up head until it snaps off. Dilbert: I have trouble saying no to free stuff."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 2008's comic on:


Tags #headache, #laptop, #meeting, #evil director, #human resources, #laptops banned, #meetings, #should crushing boredom, #futility headache

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Computer: Laptops are banned from all meetings. The only things that should be in your mind during meetings are soul-crushing boredom and a futility headache. The boss: That's more like it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 2009's comic on:


Tags #angry, #pointing, #flaws, #yelling, #screaming

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Dilbert says, "You'd actually be attractive if you didn't have crazy eyes." Woman says, "What?" Dilbert says, "The eyes are the mirror of the soul. Your soul appears to be mostly spiders and bad news." Dilbert says, "Any minute now?" Woman says, "You cause the rain!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #meeting, #evil, #ridiculous, #angry

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "Before I counsel you?" Catbert says, "You might want to clench your various sphincters so your soul doesn't escape." Wally says, "Is it okay if I release a scouting party?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 08, 2008's comic on:


Tags #really show, #camera, #capture failures, #humiliations, #dull act of insignificance, #fill void, #fathering children, #being famous

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Dogbert says, "I decided to produce a reality show about your life." Dilbert says, "What?" Dogbert says, "The cameras will follow you around and capture all of your failures and humiliations." Dilbert says, "Why would I agree to that?" Dogbert says, "Because you suffer from the dull ache of insignificance." Dogbert says, "You can only fill the horrible void in your soul by fathering children or being famous." Dilbert says, "Maybe I prefer to have children." Dogbert says, "And maybe you prefer to flap your ears and fly to Mars." Dogbert says, "Do you see where I'm going with this?" BOP A cameraman says, "Sorry."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Alice, company policy says that personal items can not be higher than the cubicle wall." "Just out of curiousity, what is the logic behind that bizarre policy?" "We want to maintain a smooth line-of-sight for aesthetic reasons." "Let me see if I understand your point of view." "My Einstein doll makes the cubicle so hideous that our stock will plunge" "Now if I take it down..." "Gasp! It's so beautiful now! My soul is filled with music! My life has meaning!" "Yea! I just noticed that when I look at this doll and you at the same time, you look hideous."

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"Wally, the status report that you e-mailed me is blank." "That;s because eagles can't type." "What?" "The motivational poster in the break says I should be like an eagle." "The point of that poster is that your spirit should soar like an eagle while you continue to do mundane work." "Wouldn't I die if my spirit left my body to go soar?" "You're confusing your spirit with your soul." "While your spirit is soaring, your sould should remain, trapped in your body, slowly decaying while you create your status report." "Would it change anything if I got a poster that says "you want it when?!!""