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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"We only have a 10% repeat customer rate whereas prisons have a 70% rate of recidivism." "We need to focus our marketing on criminals because they don't learn from experience." "Order now and get a free knuckle tattoo plus our free book 1,001 nicknames for women."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"It's called a 360 degree review. You get to evaluate me at no risk of retribution." "No matter what you say about me, you will only be judged on the quality of your work." "Sometimes you are lazy, evil and manipulative." "The quality of your work just went way down."

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"You can manipulate people by lying about what other people said." "If your victim goes to the source and discovers your treachery, say, of course he tells you that." "Your advice doesn't sound healthy." "That's not what the Mayo Clinic said."

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"I need a day off to attend my twin sister's funeral." "A whole day? How well did you know her?" "She.. was.. my... twin." "But not identical!" "How does that matter?" "Well, she didn't even look like you." "And yet you want a whole day off for a service that takes fifteen minutes." "Gaa! It would be impossible to be more insensitive!" "I'll compromise. My pet gerbil is on his last legs. I'll give you the day off if you toss him in the casket so I don't have to bury him myself." "When do you think it will die?" "Depends. How much does your sister weigh?"

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"Our target market is people who don't shop carefully." "Our product is designed to attack the user and force him to reorder." "We only have one customer but we've sold 10,000 units."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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There is an error on my tiny paycheck. It is four dollars too much.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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I don't like the looks of this.

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Are you the troll that handles our payroll system? I have a problem.

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I moved the meeting to Tuesday. "I can't make it on Tuesday." "Somehow I think the marketing team can survive one meeting without engineering support." "We'll include a pet gerbil in every box. We'll just need to make sure it's in a sealed plastic bag so it won't chew on the cables."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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