You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 2008's comic on:


Tags #jesus, #leader, #team leader, #in need, #12 people, #upgrade systems, #lunch meeting, #bed feelings, #savior, #office

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It's pronounced Hay-soos. Jesus: My name is Jesus, and I seek twelve people to work on my project. I am the saver of databases. Join me to upgrade our systems. Jesus: First, we're all going to lunch. Asok: I have a bad feeling about this."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 2008's comic on:


Tags #pronouned hay-soos, #fixed eye sight, #hair regrow, #40 shares, #punch pilot light, #ceo, #team organizer

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Pronounced Hay-soos. Wally: The new team leader, Jesus, is gaining quite a following." He fixed my eyesight and made my hair regrow. I think he wants your job as CEO. For forty shares of stock, I could point him out at lunch. CEO: I'll punch his pilot light out!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2008's comic on:


Tags #jesus, #ratted you out, #finding out, #undoing, #miracle

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Pronounced Hay-Soos Wally: Did you find out who ratted you out, Jesus? FZEET! Wally: Maybe you have a way of finding out that sort of thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 14, 2008's comic on:


Tags #jesus, #downsized, #return as consultant, #save pensions, #forgetful boss

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Pronounced Hay-Soos The Boss: Jesus, I thought you got down-sized. Jesus: I came back. Tell the others I was downsized so I could return as a consultant and save their pensions. The Boss: I should have written that down."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2008's comic on:


Tags #asked question, #contempt, #coworkers, #forgot answer, #game plyer, #large group, #paranoid, #suspicious

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Tina: Dilbert asked me a question in front of the entire group that I already answered last week. What kind of game is he playing?" Alice: Maybe he forgot your answer. Tina: That's crazy talk."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 2008's comic on:


Tags #archaic sayings, #bite the hand, #cost of measuring, #direct deposit, #measuring incorrectly, #rock carving, #software development, #web design, #wise sayings

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The Boss: My management philosophy is 'measure' twice, cut once. Dilbert: That only makes sense in a narrow, and generally archaic, set of conditions. In software development, the item being cut, metaphorically speaking, is often plentiful and inexpensive. In many cases, the cost of measuring incorrectly is low compared to the time wasted doing two measurements before every action. Your philosophy is better suited for rock carving than web design. Do you have any wise sayings that involve churning your own butter, or putting saddles on dinosaurs?" The Boss: Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Dilbert: I have direct deposit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 2008's comic on:


Tags #soul crushing negativity, #humanity final chapter, #darkness, #anticipating

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Dilbert: That's my plan. Now I'd like to open the floor to your soul-crushing negativity. Jesus: You have written humanity's final chapter!" Tina: Darkness stalks us!" "I'll never know love!" Man: Anticipating it didn't help.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 18, 2008's comic on:


Tags #pessimistic co workers, #crushed soul, #meat clothes, #rain soul, #less fortunate, #volunteering

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Dilbert: My pessimistic coworkers have crushed my soul. Now I am nothing but meat with clothes. Garbageman: You can regain your soul by volunteering to help the less fortunate. Dilbert: Who is less fortunate than me? Garbageman: Anyone you date."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 19, 2008's comic on:


Tags #breaks down, #cries, #date, #endless stories, #huge defects, #restaurant, #series of stoires, #soul crushed

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Dilbert: I look different from my online picture because it was taken before my coworkers crushed my soul. Would you like to hear an endless series of stories about a coworker you don't know?" Date: okay. Dilbert: Really? Gee, you must have some huge defects of your own. Date: I don't deserve to be happy!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 2008's comic on:


Tags #smart garbageman, #again soul, #someone less fortunate, #flowers on grave, #grave speaks

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Dilbert: The world's smartest garbage man says I need to help someone less fortunate to regain my soul. Ratbert: Don't look at me. I'm happier than a tickled clam. Dilbert: I brought you some flowers, dead person. Dead person: I don't need 'em I'm good."