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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 2007's comic on:


Tags #order from boss, #reptilian brain, #not apparent, #move cubicle, #closer to department

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The boss: "Alice, I want you to move to a cubicle closer to the rest of the department." Alice: "Is there a reason that isn't apparent, or is this coming from the reptilian part of your brain?" The boss: "How would you know?" Alice: "That's a surprisingly good point."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 2013's comic on:


Tags #anger, #employees, #Family, #morons, #misfits, #drunks, #creep, #boss

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Boss: Carol, I consider you family. Carol: Great. You're lumping me in with a bunch of misfits, morons, and drunks. Get out of my sight, creep. Boss: Just like home.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 2013's comic on:


Tags #employees, #ignorance (knowledge), #new guy, #first day, #calling in sick, #message, #problem getting dressed, #head in arm hole, #boss can relate

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Carol: It's the new guys first day and he's calling in sick. His message says he was putting on his shirt and got his head caught in an arm hole. Good hire. Boss: I had that same problem with my pants.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2013's comic on:


Tags #executives, #flattery, #happiness, #underlings, #achievemnets, #warrants praise, #under budget, #head pat, #boss, #enjoys head pat

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CEO: I read an article that says leaders should acknowledge the achievements of their underlings. Have you done anything lately that warrants some praise? Boss: Well... I'm under budget because I forgot to staff one of our projects. CEO: Okay, I can work with that. Now I think I'm supposed to pat you on the head or something. Let's try that and see how we feel. Stop leaning in. Boss: Feels... so... good.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2013's comic on:


Tags #honesty, #under informed, #less clever, #good point, #another direction, #boss meeting

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Boss: You didn't handle this the way I told you. Dilbert: In my defense, you're under-informed and less clever than me. I was hoping he'd say, "Good point," but it went another direction.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2013's comic on:


Tags #burglars & robbers, #frustration, #lab, #stealing back cables, #worse problem, #boss, #adds fuel to fire

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Dilbert: Every time I leave the lab, some jerk steals my cables and replaces them with their bad ones. Then I have to spend hours stealing back one cable at a time and testing each one. Boss: Doesn't that make you one of the cable-stealing jerks? Dilbert: You've never met a problem you couldn't worsen.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 2013's comic on:


Tags #flattery, #company, #boss, #flatter, #infinite people, #typewriter, #butter up

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Wally: Our company needs more people like you. Not just more. We need infinite people just like you. Boss: Where is this going? Wally: And if each of you hat a typewriter, wow!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 14, 2013's comic on:


Tags #distress, #work ethic, #managers meet, #effectiveness, #promotions, #boss fight for

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Boss: When the managers meet to talk about promotions, I'll fight for you. Alice: Are you saying my future depends on your effectiveness and not mine? Boss: This went differently than I expected. Alice: Why?! Why?! Why?!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 2013's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #writing, #incompressible note, #flermmed th eplootash, #communication, #boss, #emplyee

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Dilbert: I got the incomprehensible not you left on my desk. I wanted to let you know that I "flermmed the plootash" just as you asked. Boss: What makes you this way? Dilbert: Maybe my DNA is flermmed

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 2014's comic on:


Tags #costumes, #deception, #employees, #ordinary workers, #new employee, #best way, #kill boss, #kindness, #strangling w intestines

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Boss: Hello, ordinary workers. I am a new employee just like you. Alice: We're discussing the best way to kill our boss. Boss; You could kill him with kindness. Alice: I'm leaning toward strangling him with his own intestines.