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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 18, 2002's comic on:


Tags #the ceo visit, #presentation, #bloated department, #eleiminate, #budget meeting, #marketing department

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Headline: The CEO Visit. The CEO says to The Boss, "Thanks for the presentation. Your department seems bloated." The CEO continues, "I'll eliminate half of your group in the next budget meeting." The Boss replies, "Thank you." Dilbert asks The Boss, "What are you going to do?" The Boss replies, "Nothing. I told him we're the marketing department."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2002's comic on:


Tags #bandwidth, #budget, #double click, #engineer for week, #interface, #ping director, #scope, #batch mode

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The Boss says to Alice and Dilbert, "Let's ping the director of marketing and double-click on the budget." The Boss continues, "Then we can interface in batch mode and put a scope on his bandwidth." Alice cringes and exclaims, "Please stop doing that!" The Boss adds, "Have I mentioned that I was an engineer for a week?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 2002's comic on:


Tags #budget, #spend it, #can't tell budget, #whats company strategy

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A senior manager says to The Boss, "I can't tell you how much your budget is, because if I did, you'd try to spend all of it." The Boss asks, "Can you tell me when I'm over budget?" The senior manager replies, "No, because then you'd know what the budget is." The Boss asks, "Can you tell me what our company strategy is?" The senior manger replies, "Sure. It's... Ha ha ha! Just kidding."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 2002's comic on:


Tags #budget cuts, #customer service, #pranks calls to elderly, #neighbor, #treasure buried, #under lawn

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Dilbert reports to The Boss, "Our budget cuts are affecting customer service." The Boss asks, "How much?" Dilbert continues, "Our customer service center spends all day making prank calls to the elderly." A customer service representative says into the phone, "According to our records, your neighbor has treasure buried under his lawn."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 2002's comic on:


Tags #performance review, #two jobs, #well, #attaboy, #no budget for raise, #cheapen

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Headline: Performance Review. The Boss says to Dilbert, "You did two jobs for a year and you did them well." The Boss continues, "I have no budget for raises, so all I can offer is an attaboy." The Boss continues, "The problem is: I don't want to cheapen the whole attaboy system."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2002's comic on:


Tags #power point presentation, #ceo slip trance, #subliminal suggestions, #increase budget, #more budget, #kill boss, #pointy haired monster

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "Make your 'Power-point' presentation so boring that our CEO will slip into trance." The Boss continues, "Then I'll whisper to him subliminal suggestions to increase our budget." The CEO is asleep. The Boss whispers, "More budget." On the other side of the CEO, Wally whispers, "Kill the pointy-haired monster."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 2003's comic on:


Tags #funding, #continuous harping, #expensive consultant, #analyze budget, #chaos, #complexity, #simulations

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "In response to your continuous harping about not having enough funding.." The Boss is joined by another man. The Boss continues, "I hired an expensive consultant to analyze your budget." The consultant says to Dilbert, "I'll have to run some chaos and complexity simulations, but it looks as if you need more money."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 2003's comic on:


Tags #no budget, #project, #budget, #begger, #laughed guts up

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "There's no budget for your project; you need to tin-cup it." Dilbert asks, "What?" The Boss says, "Be like a beggar and ask each department to give you a bit of their budget." Dilbert is sitting next to a man whose organs are coming out of his mouth. Dilbert says, "Well, now that you've laughed your guts out, do you feel better?" The man replies, "Erk!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 2003's comic on:


Tags #new product revenue, #future, #slashed bidget, #development budget, #describe future, #doomed

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The addresses a meeting, "The future of the company depends on new product revenue." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: Is that why you slashed the research and development budget?" The Boss replies, "If you're so smart, let's see you describe our future without using the word 'doomed.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2003's comic on:


Tags #budget request, #priority, #highest priority, #mockery, #low priority

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Asok: What is the priority of your budget request? Alice: Highest of the high. Asok: everyone rated their own budget needs "Highest Priority" It is a mockery f the priority system! Asok: Name one thing that everyone would agree is a low priority. Alice: whatever you're doing.