Search Results for "coffee"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 18, 2006's comic on:


Tags #purpose in life, #despair, #purpose is drinking coffee, #urinal

View Transcript

Transcript

"Wally, do you ever wonder about your purpose in life?" "My purpose is to transport huge quantities of coffee from the coffee maker to a urinal." "Suddenly I am filled with despair." "Hey, while you're up..."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 2007's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #human resources, #new policy, #no d drinking coffee, #remove all doubt, #policies, #evil, #honesty, #ruining the moment

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert, evil director of human resources Catbert: "Our new policy is no drinking coffee during work." "That should remove all doubt that our policies are designed for any reason other than evil." Dilbert: "Your honesty is refreshing." Catbert: "Stop ruining the moment!!!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2007's comic on:


Tags #goals for th eyear, #replace my soul, #become immortal, #coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Wally, what are your goals for the coming year? Wally: My goal is to replace my soul with coffee and become immortal. The boss: I mean something about work. Wally: Oh, I thought you said MY goals."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2012's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #work ethic, #execution, #innovation, #full time job, #excellence, #inspired, #died on inside, #coffee and resentment, #chemical formula for hatred, #drilled employees

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Execution is a game of inches! You miss 100% of the shots you don't take! Innovation is everyone's full-time job! Be the dog, not the tail! Excellence is the only market that isn't crowded! Why don't any of you look inspired by my leadership? Wally: I died on the inside years ago. Now I'm just a fleshy container full of coffee and resentment. This guy was born without a soul. The she-devil at the end is the chemical formula for hatred. Catbert: Did you get through to them? Boss: I drilled until I hit bile.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 2013's comic on:


Tags #coffee, #coffee & tea, #energy source, #laziness, #organic devices, #plant seeds

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: This week I tested a source of energy that can power organic devices. It's made from plant seeds and water. Boss: Is the energy source called coffee? Wally: Let's talk about Dilbert's project. I hear it's a mess.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 23, 2013's comic on:


Tags #do nothing robot, #lazy, #replacement, #robot, #similar to man, #uncomplicated, #websites, #coffee drinker

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I bought a robot to replace you. All it does is drink coffee and look at inappropriate websites. The boss: Did I forget anything? Wally: No, I not a complicated man.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 2008's comic on:


Tags #approval policy, #coffee supplies, #disobedience, #fire, #hatred, #new informational services, #effigies

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I realize you don't like the new information services approval policy. But I would appreciate it if you didn't build effigies of me out of coffee supplies." "Seriously. It's creeping me out." Alice: Heh heh heh!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 2008's comic on:


Tags #jesus, #introduces, #new employee, #team leader, #enjoy retirement, #coffee stain

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Wally, this is your new team leader. He spells his name like Jesus but it's pronounced Hay-Soos. If you do what Jesus would do, you can enjoy your retirement. Wally: I have a coffee stain that looks just like you. Jesus: I get that a lot."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2008's comic on:


Tags #coffee maker, #meeting, #not enough money, #raise, #too much, #budget

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: I'd like to give you a raise but I used the entire budget on a new coffee maker. It's a nice one.There's talk that I paid too much for you."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2008's comic on:


Tags #request, #broken computer, #borrow one, #selfish tools, #coffee stirres

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I didn't work on your request this week because my computer is broken and my company is too cheap to replace it." Dilbert says, "I tried to borrow one, but the people I work with are a bunch of selfish tools." A man says, "Maybe I shouldn't take you on sales calls." Dilbert says, "So I built a tiny fort out of coffee stirrers."