Search Results for "customer service"
Share September 20, 1991's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert and another employee, "We're making a company commercial. Memorize these lines." Dilbert reads, "I'm Wally! I was specially bred to serve you and take abuse, O magnificent customer." Dilbert says, "It sounds a little unnatural." The woman reads, "I'm Raquel. I'll be your love puppet if you buy from us."
Share October 25, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "We've got to focus more on the needs of our customers." The Boss points to a man standing next to him and says, "I've hired famous business consultant Tom Peters to follow you around and make passionate criticism." Tom stands behind Dilbert while he works. Tom waves his arms as he asks, "Is this quality? Are you truly focused on the customer?" Dilbert thinks, "Great . . . He's a spitter."
Share July 25, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert says to a woman walking on the sidewalk, "Excuse me, would you like to take advantage of our 'Model Evaluation Service?' Only ten dollars." The woman says, "Me? Gosh, I've never thought of myself that way. Yes, I would love to be evaluated." Dogbert says, "You're hideous . . . That's ten dollars." The woman looks angry.
Share October 21, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert says to a patient on the examining table, "You have a mild flu, and normally you would survive." Dogbert continues, "However, in this brief visit I've developed no real empathy for you, so I've decided to let you die." The man asks, "Is there anything I can do?!" Dogbert replies, "Well . . . Unless you can afford my new 'Ambassador Class' service."
Share November 02, 1992's comic on:
A customer sits across from Dogbert's desk. The boy says, "I've failed the driving test nine times. Can you help?" Dogbert replies, "I specialize in the problem cases. Just sign the application form." The boy looks at the pencil and says, "Wait . . . I've seen one of these before. Yes, there's something special about the pointy end . . . But what?" Dogbert thinks, "Uh oh."
Share December 17, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert sits across from a customer's desk wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase. The customer says, "Your competitor was here an hour ago . . ." The man points to a woman holding a towel and massage oil and says, "He promised me a massage from Helga if I buy from his company. What's your offer?" Dilbert replies, "I'll give you my house for Helga." The man says, "You're new at this . . ."
Share December 13, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert sits at a conference table with Stan and a customer. Stan says, "And our product has a thirty terabit RAM cache, just like your company needs. Tell him, Dilbert." Dilbert says, "It has no RAM." Stan continues, "And it's capable of detecting tachion field emissions." Dilbert says, "You're confusing use with 'Star Trek' again, Stan." Stan continues, "We'll build that stuff into the next free upgrade." The customer replies, "We'll take it!" Dilbert thinks, "Beam me up, Spock. There's no life on this planet."
Share January 07, 1994's comic on:
"Tim will be leaving the company to pursue other opportunities." "Note the absence of key phrases such as 'we regret' or 'years of dedicated service.' And notice that his new opportunity is not called 'exciting'." "I think you're reading a little too much into that announcement." "No, I'm reading the footnote."
Share June 21, 1994's comic on:
"Hello, this is Dogbert's professional headhunting service." "I find jobs for the most talented technical professionals. Several people mentioned your name." "So, is it true they'll be looking for somebody to fill your job soon? Hello?"