Search Results for "customer service"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 1992's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

A customer sits across from Dogbert's desk. The boy says, "I've failed the driving test nine times. Can you help?" Dogbert replies, "I specialize in the problem cases. Just sign the application form." The boy looks at the pencil and says, "Wait . . . I've seen one of these before. Yes, there's something special about the pointy end . . . But what?" Dogbert thinks, "Uh oh."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 1992's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits across from a customer's desk wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase. The customer says, "Your competitor was here an hour ago . . ." The man points to a woman holding a towel and massage oil and says, "He promised me a massage from Helga if I buy from his company. What's your offer?" Dilbert replies, "I'll give you my house for Helga." The man says, "You're new at this . . ."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 13, 1993's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a conference table with Stan and a customer. Stan says, "And our product has a thirty terabit RAM cache, just like your company needs. Tell him, Dilbert." Dilbert says, "It has no RAM." Stan continues, "And it's capable of detecting tachion field emissions." Dilbert says, "You're confusing use with 'Star Trek' again, Stan." Stan continues, "We'll build that stuff into the next free upgrade." The customer replies, "We'll take it!" Dilbert thinks, "Beam me up, Spock. There's no life on this planet."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 1994's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"Tim will be leaving the company to pursue other opportunities." "Note the absence of key phrases such as 'we regret' or 'years of dedicated service.' And notice that his new opportunity is not called 'exciting'." "I think you're reading a little too much into that announcement." "No, I'm reading the footnote."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 1994's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"Hello, this is Dogbert's professional headhunting service." "I find jobs for the most talented technical professionals. Several people mentioned your name." "So, is it true they'll be looking for somebody to fill your job soon? Hello?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 1994's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"This is Dogbert's Headhunting Service." "I've got a job that pays a hundred thousand per year and requires no skill whatsoever." "No, I didn't say it's available. I called to brag about my own job."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 1994's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"We could design the product with a simple point - and - click interface..." "Or we could require the user to choose among thousands of poorly documented commands, each of which must be typed exactly right on the first try." "Bear in mind, we'll never meet a customer ourselves." "Make it so they have to reboot after every typo."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 1994's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert and the Boss sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "You can gauge your success by the number of repeat customers you have." The Boss says, "I'm proud to say that virtually every customer gets another unit within three months of buying the first one!" Dogbert asks, "What if you don't count warranty replacements?" The Boss replies, "Ooh . . . Then we don't look so good."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 22, 1994's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert hands the Boss a report and says, "I finished our write-up for the national Millard Bullrush 'Quality' Contest." Dilbert says, "It took two weeks of otherwise productive time, and everything but our address is a lie." Dilbert asks, "Do you know what irony is?" The Boss replies, "I send my shirts to a service."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 1995's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. Reading a report, the Boss says, "Change these dates . . . and add six more meetings and use the phrase 'customer focus.'" Dilbert looks down at the desk where a tiny figure has appeared. Dilbert says, "Uh-Oh . . . your micro-management has caused my ego to manifest itself and beg for survival." The tiny figure says, "I'm shrinking!" The Boss splats the tiny figure with a fly swatter and says to Dilbert, "Run and get me some paper towels . . . five of them . . . from the men's room."