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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 2011's comic on:


Tags #embarrassed of son, #Family, #food service industry, #insult, #locksmith, #mother, #named project manger, #paying for lunch, #restaurants, #sons occupation, #don't tell freinds

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Mom, the good news I wanted to tell you is that my boss named me project manager. Mom: Please keep that to yourself. I tell my friends you're a locksmith. Dilbert: You're paying for your own lunch. Waiter: I'm Ed. I'll be your project manager.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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The Boss says to Tim, "I understand you've been going without sleep or food for days just to meet some artificial deadline." Tim mumbles incoherently. The Boss continues, "As a result, your work has been muddle-brained and incomprehensible. You leave me no choice, Tim." Wally says to Dilbert, "Tim got promoted to division manager." Dilbert replies, "I wonder if he knows it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, I'd like you meet Ben, our newest fast-track manager." Dilbert says, "Hi." The Boss says, "Ben has no real experience but he's very tall, so we know he'll go far." Ben adds, "I also have executive style hair." The Boss says, "We think it will turn silver."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the hassock. Dilbert says, "The guys in the office decided that somebody must kill Floyd the budget manager because he's so mean to us." Dilbert continues, "They want ME To kill him. But I can't do it. I'm a LOVER, not a killer." Dogbert replies, "Technically, you're neither." Dilbert asks, "Is that MY fault?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss says, "Dilbert, you're being temporarily transferred to the field sales organization." The Boss continues, "Normally we use these assignments to round somebody out for management. But in this case I'm just yanking your chain!" Dilbert says, "You're over-communicating again, sir." The Boss continues, "Plus, I hate the manager of sales."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert says to the Boss, "My chair is broken and the warehouse is out of 'engineer chairs.'" Dilbert continues, "And since I'm . . . You know . . . Empowered, I thought I might order a 'manager chair' for the time being." Dilbert asks, "I've over-stepped my authority, haven't I?" The Boss replies, "Next you'll want a screen door on your cubicle."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 1994's comic on:


Tags #never managed, #marketing people, #do marketing things, #segments, #focus groups, #segmenting, #dominate industry, #motivated

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The Boss: "I've never managed marketing people before. But a good manager can manage anything." "So...I order you to go do marketing things...like segmenting and focus groups..." "And keep focusing and segmenting until we dominate the industry!!!" Worker: "Well, I'm motivated."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 1994's comic on:


Tags #iso 9000 project, #hand picked, #manger, #project

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Dilbert sits at a desk and says, "Thank you for coming to the 'ISO 9000' project kick-off meeting." Dilbert continues, "Each of you was hand-picked by your manager for this project because . . ." Dilbert faces a table of strange people and says, "Well . . . never mind why."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 1995's comic on:


Tags #left engineering, #acme manger, #sexy, #liz, #decrease sex appeal, #planning number, #ham radio licence, #compensate loss, #goose bumps

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Dilbert walks outside with Liz. Dilbert asks her, "If I left engineering and became a manager would I be as sexy as I am now, Liz?" Liz responds, "I think it would decrease your sex appeal by 17%. But that's just a planning number." Dilbert and Liz sit on the couch. Dilbert asks, "What if I got my ham radio license to compensate for the loss?" Liz replies, "Look at my arm: goose bumps."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 1995's comic on:


Tags #dark side, #engineering, #technical knowledge, #generlaist, #easy path, #suite, #applications, #unnatural

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Phil stands behind Dilbert's desk and waves his hand and his spoon. Phil says, "Come to the dark side, Dilbert. Renounce engineering and become a manager." Dilbert says angrily, "NEVER!" Looking over Dilbert's shoulder, Phil says, "Your technical knowledge is getting stale. You're becoming a generalist . . . take the easy path." Phil is holding a set of software boxes. He says to Dilbert, "I brought you a suite of applications that ll work together." Dilbert yells, "THAT'S UNNATURAL!!! BE GONE!!!"