Search Results for "reveal ugly truth"
Share July 12, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert stands in front of a display case in a jewelry store. The salesclerk asks, "Are you interested in our diamond jewelry?" Dogbert says, "Let me see if I understand the concept here . . ." Dogbert says, ". . . I would give you thousands of dollars, and in return . . ." Dogbert continues, ". . . You would give me a pebble you found on the ground." The salesman says, "These are no ordinary pebbles. Diamonds are very rare." Dogbert replies, "Rare? That's only because you made a marketing decision to restrict the supply." The clerk scoops some diamonds into a sack and says, "Okay, okay, you figured us out. I'll give you a free bag of diamonds if you'll go away and keep quiet." Dogbert walks on the sidewalk carrying a bag. He says, "Great . . . Now I'm a party to this ugly little secret."
Share October 11, 1992's comic on:
A man and woman see a sign on a building that says "Parent licenses." The man says, "We'd better check it out." Dogbert sits at a desk. The man asks, "Why do we need a license to become parents?" Dogbert replies, "Something had to be done." Dogbert continues, "Under the old system, all you needed to be a parent was a few body parts and a brain the size of a garbanzo bean." Dogbert reaches into the desk drawer and continues, "So I developed this written test to weed out the major bozos." The woman reads, "If a baby cries, you should: A. Feed it. B. Discipline it. C. Call it 'stupid.'" The man says, "You have to show it who's the boss." The woman reads, "If a child gets poor grades you should: A. Tutor him. B. Discipline him. C. Call him 'stupid.'" The man asks, "What does 'tutor' mean?" The woman reads, "An acceptable nickname for a child is: A. Junior B. Ugly C. Stupid." The man says, "Depends if it's a boy." The man asks Dogbert, "Well? Can we be parents?" Dogbert replies, "No. And you'll have to leave some body parts at the front desk."
Share July 29, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert and an engineer from the other company sit at a table. Dilbert has a laptop computer open. Dilbert asks, "Tell me the truth. Use the engineer's secret code if you must." Dilbert continues, "Are there any little problems with the technology that my managers agreed to buy from your company?" The other engineer laughs, "Ha Ha Snort Snort Ha Ha Ha!!!" Dilbert types into his laptop and says, "1100111... Good. Go on."
Share February 12, 1998's comic on:
At Fashion Headquarters, an ugly looking woman with short hair and fashionably outdated glasses says, "You could be our next supermodel. I love the tumor." Dogbert wags his tail and says, "It's a beauty mark." The woman says, "We prefer our supermodels to look unhealthy in a sexy way." Dogbert says, "Okay, it's a tumor." Dogbert wags his tail some more and says, "I can add a few more. It's just Silly Putty." The woman puts out her arms to stop him and says, "No, it would be easy to overdo that sort of thing."
Share February 13, 1998's comic on:
The ugly lady with the fashionably outdated glasses is wearing a toga and sandals. She hands Dogbert a pair of black dress socks and says, "Your first assignment is a lingerie shoot. You'll be wearing black socks." Dogbert has a lump of silly putty on his head as a 'beauty tumor.' The woman says, "There's nothing sexier than a short round guy in black socks." Dogbert sits on a table or block. Dogbert, wearing the dress socks, looks at himself in a hand mirror and wags his tail. He says, "Wow! This works!" Heat is rising off the ugly woman and she says, "Quick! Get me a big block of ice to sit on!"
Share January 03, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert sees a sign that says, "Free therapy." Dilbert asks a woman at a desk, "Why is it free?" The woman replies, "Our therapists are first year psychology students." Dilbert says, "What have I got to lose?" Dilbert lies on a couch and says, "Sometimes I have low self-esteem . . ." A student sits in a chair taking notes. The man says, "Your problem is that you're ugly. You should drink beer until you feel handsome." Dilbert says, "I thought you would say something about my mother." The man replies, "Good point. Your mother should drink beer too. She's probably as ugly as you." Dilbert walks by the reception desk and says, "You're over-priced." The woman replies, "Ooh, 'Mister Low Self-Esteem' is unhappy."
Share December 08, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert, Alice, Wally and Asok sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "Our pointy-haired boss will be joining us by speakerphone." Alice tells Asok, "This is an important part of your engineering trainig, Asok." Asok asks, "What do I do?" Wally explains, "When Alice presses the mute button, you make witty and sarcastic remarks." The phone rings. The Boss says, "Hello, everyone. I'd like to talk about the new compensation plan." Alice presses a button and points to Asok. Asok says, "Tell us some lies, you ugly, two-faced, hypocritical troll!" Asok continues, "I am Asok the Intern and I spit on your feeble compensation plan!" Asok continues, "I've found stuff on the bottom of my shoe that was smarter than you!!" He laughs. Dilbert and Asok walk out of the conference room. Dilbert says, "Next time, a bit wittier . . . And make sure Alice really presses the mute button."
Share March 16, 1997's comic on:
The Boss says, "You'll love your new assignment, Alice." Alice thinks, "Uh-oh." The Boss says, "You're going to redesign all of our brochures!" Alice replies, "I'm an electrical engineer, not a graphic artist." The Boss says, "We can discuss your huge inadequacies during your annual review." Alice replies, "I'm not inadequate. I'm a highly skilled engineer." The Boss says, "And yet you can't make brochures." Alice says, "Okay, let me try to explain this in the simplest possible way . . ." Alice continues, "You . . . Are . . . An . . . Idiot." Alice sits at her desk thinking, "The simplest possible explanation isn't always the best." Wally stands behind her and says, "Hey, it looks like a brochure, only uglier!"
Share March 18, 1999's comic on:
Dilbert is at a party. A woman says, "And then I said, "How am I supposed to do all that?" then I glared at her." Dilbert says, "Do you have that woman's phone number? She sounds nicer than you." Dilbert walks and thinks, "I don't see why it's MY fault she can't tell a decent story."
Share May 03, 2000's comic on:
Ed stands at the podium and says, "As CEO, I thank you for making me obscenely wealthy." Alice, Wally and Dilbert continue to sit and listen. Ed goes on to say, "Yesterday, I built a guest house using bundles of cash as bricks." Ed looks down at his paper, thinking "I need a new speech writer."