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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert and woman sitting at dinner table. Woman says, "I like men who have a sense of humor." The woman continues, "...but not the joke-telling kind - the spontaneous kind - like when you spill something and we both laugh." Dilbert's shirt is torn and stained. He says to Dogbert, who's sitting on the couch, "Maybe I'm trying too hard."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert sitting at computer terminal while The Boss gripes, "I don't see why our web pages need URLs. Get rid of them." The Boss, in a unsure manner, says, "Did that make any sense?" Dilbert replies, "Yes, it's brilliant." Dilbert says, "Give me a month and I'll replace our URLs with uniform resource locators." The Boss clinches his fist and says, "Perfect."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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The boss says, "WE must maintain a sense of urgency. Speed is the key. We must be faster than the competition." Dilbert says, "Does that mean you'll sign the stuff that's been on your desk for a month?" Dilbert is at home. Dilbert says, to Dogbert, "Logical questions don't mix with motivational messages."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Wally stands behind him and says, "Our new VP says he has an 'open door policy.' Let's check it out." Wally and Dilbert peer into the VP's office. Dilbert says, "Knock knock." Dilbert says, "Hi ho. Nothing important. We just wanted to drop in." The VP sits at his desk reading a document. Wally says, "This open door policy is great. Our last VP was aloof." Dilbert asks, "Are those sourballs?" Wally says, "Look at the furniture in here!" Dilbert stuffs candy into his mouth and says, "I call couch!" The VP asks, "Is there something I can do for you?" Dilbert lies on a couch and says, "Well . . . Sometimes our cubicles are too hot." Wally sits in a chair and adds, "Could you have somebody look into it?" Dilbert and Wally leave the office looking frightened. Dilbert says, "Boy, those sourballs sure lull you into a false sense of security." Wally says, "The man is like a huge insincere spider."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert says to the Boss's secretary, "Carol, could you check our pointy-haired boss's calendar?" Carol grumbles. Dilbert explains, "We'd like to schedule a celebration for the engineers who got patents." Carol grumbles. Dilbert says, "We're all available on the sixth, ninth, twentieth and the twenty-first." Carol says, "I'll schedule it for the tenth. That's the only day he can do it." Dilbert replies, "Um . . . None of the engineers can make it on the tenth." Carol says, "It's not a perfect world." Wally asks Dilbert, "When's the patent celebration?" Dilbert says, "Shut up." On the tenth, the Boss sits at a conference table eating cake. Carol stands behind him. The Boss says, "We should do this more often." Carol says, "Yeah, I like cake."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dogbert is hosting a radio talkshow. He sits at the microphone. He says, "You're on the radio with Dogbert's "Bad Advice Show." How may I hurt you?" Women on the phone asks, "My boss asked me for a date. We're both married. What should I do?" Dogbert says, "Divorce your husband. He sounds like a loser to me." Women says, "Yes, yes it all makes sense when you explain it that way." Dogbert says, "Then mail a dead woodchuck to your boss with a note that says...." Dogbert is heard over the phone. Dogbert says, "Unlike this woodchuck my love for you will never die." Women says, "Thanks. I love your show." Dogbert says, "Moving on to household tips, did you know that black paint is an excellent stain remover?" Dilbert walks in with a huge black stain on his shirt. Dilbert says, "Can we talk?" Dogbert says, "And those are just SOME of the benefits of an all-cheese diet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 1999's comic on:


Tags #meeting moth, #joining, #cedar flavored donut

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The meeting peers from behind a cubicle at the boss who is talking to Asok. The moth thinks, "My moth sense has detected a meeting." The moth says, "Hi, guys! What are you talking about? Is this a meeting? I can't resist joining in." Asok holds out a donut. Asok says, "Run for it! I'll hold him off with this cedar-flavored donut!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2000's comic on:


Tags #charge fee, #investments, #removing tonsils, #years of training

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Dogbert investments: A co-worker and Dogbert are in a meeting. The co-worker asks Dogbert: "So, you charge a fee every year even if you do nothing?" Dogbert answers: "It takes years of training to know when to do nothing." The co-worker says: "I guess that makes sense." Dogbert hands a sheet of paper to the co-worker and says: "Here's my bill for not removing your tonsils."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 2001's comic on:


Tags #sales people, #phone calls, #taking brides, #supplement, #income, #natural extention, #empowerment, #micromangement brewing

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Carol enters the Boss' office. He is holding up the phone and asks, "Carol, why do you keep putting sales people through to me?" Carol replies, "I'm taking bribes to supplement my income. It's a natural extension of empowerment." The Boss shakes angrily, and Carol says, "I sense some micromanagement brewing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2003's comic on:


Tags #key board, #not unique, #carol adjusts, #making no sense

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The Boss: My keyboard looks exactly like everyone else's. The Boss: I need more of a management key board with special keys and that sort of thing. Carol: And the "{" becomes the newly discovered letter.