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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"From now on, all of my arguments will be based on definitions that are not in any dictionary." "For example, I could argue that you're a facist because you're wearing pajamas." "I'm only wearing the top." "Man I wish I didn't know that."

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"And so that's why..." "Excuse me, you're not entitled to your opinion." "I copyrighted all of the stupidest opinions in the universe so they can never again be uttered." "Hey! I just realized that I no longer need to drink!"

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"How can you think that the software integration project is a waste of time??!" "I don't.' "But if history is my guide, you will abuse the next hour of my life by insisting that I defend your misunderstanding of what I think."<Br>"So why do you think it's a wast eof time?" "Do you mind if I work while yo uhallucinate?"

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"I'm the victim of an ugly rumor at work." "Are you saying that the rumor is ugly or that the rumor is that you're ugly?"<Br>"I'm saying the rumor itself is ugly."<Br>"Well, then I have more bad news for you."

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What's this I hear about you hating the software integration project?<Br>"I don't hate it. I simply mentioned both the pros and cons. People are so conditioned to take sides that a balanced analysis looks to them like hatred." "How can you hate it so much???!!" "This is one of those days when it's hard to be me."

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"Carol, the new manager hasn't hired an admin. so I said he could share you."<Br>"What?!!" "I'm drowning in work, and you want to double my load???!!!" "It's no big deal. Just prioritize your work." "And I need you to fax this."<Br>"No can do."<Br>"My top priority is getting the new guy all set up." "Hmmm... I guess that's fair. I'll send him over." "I can't order your business cards, I need to do a huge faxing project!"<Br>"Hee hee! Marmaduke is sitting on something again!"

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All of your problems are caused by emotionally unstable coworkers. "Try prescribing meds from the internet to fix their defects."<Br>"Okay. That one was the wrong choice. Let's try something else." "GRRRR!"

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"Wally, I've noticed that you seem bloated and lethargic.'<Br>"I prescribe these pills. The come highly recommended."<Br>"I know they're safe because I bought them on the internet."

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"Karl, you're a habitual liarbut these pills that I ordered over the internet will cure you." "I've never lied in my life, but I can't resist free stuff." "Um... Are you alive?"<Br>"Never felt better!"

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The Habitual Liar<Br>"I thought you died." "No. I feel great!" "I'm sure you're dead. Your head is a skull." "I cut back on carbs." "Your head isnt' even attatched to your body." "I take yoga."