You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 22, 2006's comic on:


Tags #assistant, #mood, #frustration, #ignore, #ignoring, #attitude

View Transcript

Transcript

"Carol, I need some three-ring binders and a reservation for the conference room on Thursday." "I don't like the way you asked, so I'm going to make a phone call until you give up and leave." "Yeah, the big jerk is still standing there."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 23, 2006's comic on:


Tags #art, #modern art, #nonsense, #taste, #culture

View Transcript

Transcript

Famous artist Dogberto will tell us his plans for our lobby. "I plan to buy a drop cloth at Home Depot and drape it over the security desk." "Won't that be hard on the guard?" "Not until I douse it with gas and light it."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 2006's comic on:


Tags #art, #artist, #modern art, #expression, #obtuse, #con, #scheme, #money, #fake

View Transcript

Transcript

My idea is to drape a huge tarp over the hideous sculpture in the courtyard. "My message will be that art is as much about the negative space as the positive." "Plus it's not really art unless someone is winning."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 25, 2006's comic on:


Tags #outsourcing, #language, #translation, #trade off, #cheap, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

My Elbonian factory can manufacture your product for pennies. "Is there any downside?" "Minor translation issues." "They either said 'plastic' or 'the spleen of a pig-footed bandicoot.'" "We don't have any plastic." SPLEENS

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 26, 2006's comic on:


Tags #children, #costume, #embarrassment, #parents, #respect, #work, #tattoo, #daught traylor, #corporate environment

View Transcript

Transcript

"What's that thing doing here?" "This is my daughter, Traylor." "I brought her to the office so she can learn about working in a corporate environment." "Okay, whatever. I have a new project for you." "Some idiot cut his finger. Now we have to do a safety awareness campaign." "Put on this dog costume. You're the mascot for our 'Spot' the safety hazard campaign." "Whenever anyone walks by, you say, 'Woof woof, don't use scissors.'" "Can I get a tattoo?" "Sure."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2006's comic on:


Tags #manager, #mp3, #obliviousness, #outsourcing, #product, #quality, #trade off, #elbonian factory, #mp3 player

View Transcript

Transcript

"Here's our prototype from the Elbonian factory." "Well, I'm no expert, but this is obviously a good one of these." "It's an mp3 player." "We used to call them plumber's helpers!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 2006's comic on:


Tags #outsourcing, #language, #time zone, #time, #fatigue, #confusion

View Transcript

Transcript

"After seeing the Elbonian mp3 player prototype I scheduled a conference call." "Because of the time difference, the call was at 3 AM. I was groggy and they barely speak any English, but I think we got everything worked out." "He was right. It does look better with the speakers."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 2006's comic on:


Tags #outsourcing, #design, #communication, #miscommunication, #manufacturing, #obliviousness, #marketing

View Transcript

Transcript

We ship our new mp3 player in two days. How's the Elbonian factory coming along? "The prototype is the size of a small tractor and it will only play Elbonian polkas." "I'll budget a little extra for marketing." "It's made of asbestos."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 30, 2006's comic on:


Tags #best marketing expert, #resume, #nobel prize, #five olympic medals, #marketing biathlon

View Transcript

Transcript

"We need to hire the best marketing expert we can find." "Your resume says you've won the Nobel Prize in marketing, and five Olympic gold medals in the marketing biathlon." "What's a marketing biathlon?" "You ski up to people who won't buy your crap and you shoot them."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2006's comic on:


Tags #marketing guru, #tractor sized mp3 players, #free ipod, #pricing

View Transcript

Transcript

The Marketing Guru "Consumers will buy our tractor-sized mp3 players if we offer something free with each one." "So we'll offer a free iPod with each sale, and free towing to the landfill for our mp3 player." "The rest is just pricing."