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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 1999's comic on:


Tags #corporate lawyer, #court testimony, #other sdie, #hots witness, #fake court, #magazine, #whap

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Caption: "The Corporate Lawyer" A lawyer talks to Dilbert. The lawyer says, "Let's prepare for your court testimony. I'll pretend to be the other side." The lawyer says, "Liar! Why is your attorney so handsome?" and hits Dilbert in the face with a newspaper. Dilberts glasses are broken. Dilbert says, "They can hit me?" The lawyer says, "I don't see why not."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 1999's comic on:


Tags #lawyer, #court, #Dilbert, #whistle blower, #emplyer, #aaplets, #cookie data, #competing protals, #jury selction, #hungry

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Lawyer: Okay whistle blower, explain to the jury the alleged crimes pf your employer. ...Then our applets were designed to corrupt cookie data from all competing portals. Dilbert: Nice jury selection, Lawyer: So far you've made them hungry.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 1999's comic on:


Tags #quality assurance group, #bad for company, #head count problem

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The boss says to Asok, "Asok, I'm moving you to my "quality assurance" group." Asok gasps. The boss says, "I realize this is bad for you... and bad for the company... but it solves my headcount problem." Asok eats lunch with Dilbert and Wally. Asok says, "Will that be my conreibution to the world: "He solved a headcount problem'?" Wally says, "That tops me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 1999's comic on:


Tags #ten billion dollars, #no decorations, #walls, #cubicle, #important today, #we both, #money for company

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Dilbert and the boss sit at a table with tools on it. The boss holds a gadget and says, "Your invention will earn ten billion dollars for this company." The boss says, "By the way, you're not allowed to have decorations above the walls of your cubicle." The boss says, "WE both did something important today. Give me five."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 1999's comic on:


Tags #company, #pdas for employees, #business trips, #palm pilot california, #cheap, #business

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Alice, Dilbert, Wally and the boss are in a meeting. The boss says, "The company will not buy PDA's for employees." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: Will you still pay for business trips of no discernible value?" The boss replies, "Of course." The boss is thinking, "A lot of people are traveling to Palm Pilot California lately."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 16, 1999's comic on:


Tags #blood pressure screening, #below company average, #get away with

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FREE BLOOD PRESSURE SCREENING TODAY blod pressure screening, below average, more work, Dilbert and the boss are in line to have their blood pressure taken. The boss is holding some folders. Over the head of the woman who is taking Dilbert's blood pressure hangs a board that reads: "Free blood pressure screening today" The woman says to Dilbert: "135 over 88." The boss hands some folders to Dilbert and says: "You're bellow the company average. Here's some more work." Dilbert looks surprised. The boss is behind Dilbert, who is walking all worked up and angry. The boss says to Dilbert: "How long did you think you could get away with that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 2000's comic on:


Tags #against company policy, #date skeleton, #chipped tooth, #date a skeleton, #skeleton in closet

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Catbert tells Asok: "Asok, it's against company policy to date a skeleton you found in a closet." Asok says: "We're just friends! I swear!" Catbert does not accept the explanation: "Eh! Eh!" Asok thinks while walking away: "It's just as well; I think I chipped a tooth."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2000's comic on:


Tags #loofah, #new company concierge, #personal, #any errand

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The Boss says to his staff, "Ratbert is our new company concierge." Ratbert says, "I will perform any errand, no matter how personal or degrading it is." One employee says to Ratbert, "I need a loofah." Ratbert replies, "Lather me up!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 11, 2000's comic on:


Tags #company a, #dogbert consults, #free sample, #web strategy

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Dogbert the consultant says to the Boss, "Here's a free sample of my work." The Boss says to Dobgert as he reads the booklet, "So company 'A' was managed by idiots with no web strategy." The Boss asks Dogbert, "What would you recommend for my company?" Dogert replies, "First, change its name to 'A'.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2000's comic on:


Tags #company identified, #deadly falling satelites, #investigative reporter, #plan worked, #falling satellites, #hit target, #boss thought plnned

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The Boss sits at home watching the evening news on television. "Our investigtive reporter has identified the company behind the deadly falling satellites." The television sounds: "Whump!" The next day at the office, the Boss says to Dilbert "Your plan worked." Dilbert replies, "What plan?"