Search Results for "Dilbert"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Notice: Too many results returned for your search. Displaying the first 1000 most relevant results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 2005's comic on:


Tags #bob, #Dilbert, #blackberry phone, #dinosuar, #ate phone

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "Bob, I bought you a Blackberry so I can send you e-mail day or night." Bob: "Thank you! I always wanted one of these!" "De-e-licious."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 25, 2000's comic on:


Tags #grossly underpaid, #Dilbert, #work for money, #valuable, #money, #challanges, #work for challenges, #exchange

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to the Boss, "I'm grossly underpaid. I want a raise." The Boss replies, "Oh, Dilbert, Dilbert, Dilbert." Dilbert responds, " What? What? What?" The Boss says to Dilbert, "People don't work here for money." The Boss continues in an enthused voice. "They work here for the challenge!" Dilbert answers, "If challenges are more valuable than money..." Dilbert continues, "Why don't you give me your money and I'll give you my challenges." After a moment of silence, Dilbert says "Well?" The Boss thinks to himself, "I must kill him before he infects the others."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 2007's comic on:


Tags #bearded guy, #too close, #Dilbert, #bugged out, #touching brain with nose

View Transcript

Transcript

Then I said... Dilbert: He is totally violating my personal space with his non-standard facial hair." "HA! HA! HA! HA!" Gaaa!!! His warm, moist breath is all over me!" "Please stop touching my brain with your nose."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 2008's comic on:


Tags #woman, #confides, #sad story, #piano fell on head, #dilbert laughs, #killed brother

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: I used to have a brother, but a piano fell on his head. Dilbert: Hee hee!" Dilbert: Sometimes I laugh at the wrong times.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 2008's comic on:


Tags #bluff, #boss, #changes, #Dilbert, #lies, #remeber, #forget

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Did you make the changes I asked for? Dilbert: That depends." "Do you remember what you asked me to change? The Boss: No. Dilbert: Yup, I made the changes."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 2008's comic on:


Tags #anti dilbert, #ahhihilated, #leaves vacuum, #spf50, #garbageman, #Advice

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I created an anti-Dilbert, but I don't know how to prevent him from being annihilated by matter when he leaves the vacuum." The Garbageman says, "If you don't know how to do it, and he's the anti-you, that means he knows how." Anti-Dilbert says, "Matterscreen, SPF 50. Duh."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 04, 2008's comic on:


Tags #antimatter dilbert, #matterscreen, #coffee, #annihilated

View Transcript

Transcript

Anti-Dilbert says, "I'm the antimatter Dilbert. If my thin film of matterscreen washed off, I would come in contact with matter and be annihilated." SPLOOSH! KABOOM! Alice thinks, "Once again, my first instinct wasn't the best."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2008's comic on:


Tags #depressed, #dilbert and mother, #disengaged with son, #engage, #incompetence, #life is a joke, #monkeys, #talk, #work, #no punchline, #lifeguards

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilmom: How is work Dilbert? Dilbert: Well, mom...I'm like a fly stuck in a thick tar of despair. Incompetence hangs in the air like the cold stench of death. I'm drowning, and monkeys dressed as lifeguards are throwing me anvils. My job has convinced me that life is a stale joke with no punch line. I long for the comfort of the grave. Dilmom: Next time just say 'it's fine. Dilbert: I enjoy our talks. Dilmom: It's fine.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2007's comic on:


Tags #ceo's meeting, #boos, #Dilbert, #status on technology, #platform migration, #nothing to hide, #100 drunken clowns, #beed in their underpants, #decline in morale, #pretending tow ork, #get fired, #hide things

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO Meeting The Boss: "I brought Dilbert in case you have any technical questions." CEO: "What's the status on the technology platform migration project?" The Boss: "Be completely honest. We have nothing to hide." Dilbert: "Well, okay." "The project is like a hundred drunken clowns with bees in their underpants." "I expect the decline in morale to lead to violence." "Most of us are only pretending to work while secretly hoping the project gets canceled after you get fired by the board." "It turns out that we did have a few things to hide."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2007's comic on:


Tags #career day, #classroom, #guest speaker, #Dilbert, #engineering, #tells all, #explaining things, #to idiots, #make decisions, #misinterpreting, #massic=ve problems, #rumors overwhelm, #assign blame, #unpopular

View Transcript

Transcript

Career Day Teacher: "Class, today Dilbert will tell us what a career in engineering is all about." Dilbert: "My job involves explaining things to idiots.""Then the idiots make decisions based on misinterpreting what I said." "Then it is my job to try and fix the massive problems caused by the bad decisions." "Eventually rumors overwhelm facts, and I give up." "In the final phase, I assign blame to a unpopular coworker." "So whatever you do in life don't be unpopular." Teacher: "Don't listen to him!" Dilbert: "Said the unpopular teacher."