Search Results for "cyber security"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"From now on, all travel must be booked through the corporate travel web site." "Our travel web site is terrible." "It only lets you book the cheapest flight, and that's always on Elbonian Airlines." "Don't be such a snob. What's wrong with using a discount airline?" "Well, they list their destination airports as 'whatever looks soft'." "The meals in first class are made of anyone who dies in coach." "Their entire security screening process involves shouting at each passenger 'Are you Osama bin Laden?!!!'" "And I once saw a baggage handler wearing my dress." "Whiner."

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People are complaining about how you use your security card. "We'd appreciate it if you didn't keep it in your front pocket and thrust it at the door sensor." "I didn't know the security card was why the door opened."

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Dogbert the security consultant "Be on the lookout for any suspicious behavior." "If you see a guy do something that you wouldn't do, beat him to death with a trash can." "Can we use recycle bins?" "I wouldn't have asked that question."

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Dogbert the security consultant "If you see someone without an ID badge..." "...Strip search him, confiscate his wallet, and lock him in the janitor's closet until he starves!" "That seems a bit extreme." "You're about one minute away from living on mop water."

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Mordac, the preventer of information services. "Security is more important than usability." "In a perfect world, no one would be able to use anything." To complete the log-in procedure. Stare directly at the sun.

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Your resume says you're a career criminal. "Yup." "Um...why are you applying for a job here?" "I'm getting tendonitis in my pistol-whipping arm." "I thought I'd try the slower paced life of white collar crime." "Security." "How much can I expect to embezzle in my first year?" "Earl?" "Lefty!" "Forget this job. Security is where the big money is." "Can you get me in?" "I should start locking my desk."

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"I discovered a hole in our internet security." "What?!!" "Good grief, man! How could you put a hole in our internet?" "I didn't PUT it there. I FOUND it... and it's not.." "It's your job to fix that hole. I want you to work 24-7!" "Actually, that's NOT my job. But I'll inform our network management group." "PASSING THE BUCK!!! YOU'RE A BUCK PASSER!!!!" "Forget it! There's no hole! It got better!" "That's more like it." "I fixed the internet."

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"Dogbert Consults." "Your network-security product is buggy and complicated." "Your used guide is an inspired work of pure evil." "And your tech-support department is an inebriated chimpanzee with a typewriter." "One strategy would be to fix all of those problems." "What's the other strategy?" "Sell consulting services to your victims... I mean customers!" "I'm so happy, it's making my hair quiver!" "But what do we do when our consultants can't make our products work either?" "They're paid by the hour." "QUIVER!!"

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Share January 07, 2014's comic on:


Tags #irony, #ironic, #statue crushed guard, #too soon, #word invention

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Dilbert: The iron sculpture in our lobby fell off its base and crushed a security guard. CEO: And that's where we get the word "ironic." Dilbert: It happened ten minutes ago. CEO: Oh, so it's "too soon?"

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Tags #allegiance, #patents, #corporate secuirty, #shadowy figure, #secrets, #offering, #alternatives, #repeat business

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Boss: If a shadowy figure offers to buy company secrets, what should you do? Dilbert: How much is he offering? Boss: That shouldn't matter. Dilbert: How can I compare alternatives? Wally: Would there be any repeat business in this scenario? Corporate Security