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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2002's comic on:


Tags #poisoned, #bad user interface design, #crowd out ugly, #staggering beauty, #drink in, #garbageman advice

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Headline: In Elbonia. Dilbert says to an Elbonian, "Excuse me. My boss is cheap; can you direct me to a bad hotel?" The Elbonian responds, "I recommend the Bubonic Inn. It is so bad they will pay you to stay there." The man behind the hotel counter looks like a skeleton and has a rat on his head. The man says, "What kind of fleas do you want in your mattress?" Dilbert replies, "Lazy ones."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 2004's comic on:


Tags #cat, #Wally, #black mail, #cat nip, #told truth, #came clean, #animals

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Alice: "Can you tell me who complained about my off-color e-mail joke? Catbert: "No, no, no." "All conversations with human resources are strictly confidential." "Wally, wally, wally, wally, wally, wally, wally..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2006's comic on:


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You haven't given me enough resources to do my project. "That's because your project isn't important and neither are you." "This took an ugly turn." "Would you mind not exhaling so much in my office?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 2000's comic on:


Tags #system failures, #data aren't actionable, #no practical value, #crime, #guilty, #feel awkward, #incident

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Ted says to Dilbert and Wally, "We had fifteen system failures with the previous software." Dilbert says to Ted, "Your data aren't actionable." Ted replies, "What?" Dilbert continues, "Your presentation has no practical walue." Ted throws his hands in the air in defeat and says to Dilbert, "Well, if that's suddenly a crime then call me guilty!" Wally says, "Now the meeting feels awkward can we go back to acting interested?" Dilbert replies, "I guess." Ted says, "Fine. Let's put this ugly incident behind us."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 2006's comic on:


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Today the company restated its earnings from 'a few frillion' to 'a loss of 1.3 billion'. "This would be humiliating if I had any friends." "Your strategy of being unattractive is paying off." "I'm ugly like a fox."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 2007's comic on:


Tags #heals itself, #sales engineer, #sales rep, #totally true, #truth vs.lies, #questions

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Sales Engineer "Your sales rep told us that the product heals itself. Is that true?" Dilbert: It's totally true...that he said that. sales engineer: Let me ask this another way... Dilbert: NOOO!!! One way per question!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2007's comic on:


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"I don't understand why technical writers get paid less than engineers." "If you were capable of understanding that sort of thing, you'd be an engineer." "This took an ugly turn." "And your dress looks like a tube sock with aspirations."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2012's comic on:


Tags #biggest fault, #cubilces, #drawers, #honesty, #interviews, #job interview

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Boss: What would you say is your biggest fault? Interviewee: I like to sneak into people's cubicles and go through their drawers. I also tell the truth. It's not a good combination.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2010's comic on:


Tags #question, #cubicle, #fix bugs, #control management software, #lie, #truth, #square dance, #ignorance, #pleaser

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The Boss says, "How long will it take to fix the bugs in our control management software?" Dilbert says, "Do you want a realistic estimate that will ruin your day, or a lie that will allow your ignorance and your happiness to lock arms and square dance to the next cubicle?" The Boss says, "That second option sounds festive." Dilbert says, "I'm a pleaser."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2010's comic on:


Tags #marketing, #meeting, #slides, #ad campaign, #baby, #hobos, #cool, #swear, #insult, #business

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Man says, "Our ad campaign will portray users of our competitor's products as baby-eating hobos." Man says, "While our users will be portrayed by the coolest guy in the entire world." Soon the meeting turned ugly Alice says, "Then why are you showing a slide of a giant @$$#%*?"